Hey, I need a lot of help. My brain's in bad shape. I have epilepsy and so over the years have experienced cellular death caused by seizures and falls I've had during seizures. I've also been in two different car accidents which had a heavy impact on my head (wasn't me driving).
I'm also a high functioning autistic so some parts of my brain aren't developed enough or communicating enough - e.g, the corpus callosum connecting the two hemispheres of the brain.
MRI of my brain showed cerebellar atrophy.
At the moment, meds I'm on are;
- Zonisamide and Lacosamide (seizure meds/AEDs)
- Skyla IUD
- Escitalopram
- Levothyroxine, specifically Tirosint. I'm autoimmune and my body can't take the fillers found in cheaper thyroid drugs.
Aside from being anxiety, depression, autoimmune, having autism and epilepsy, I also have fibromyalgia, ADD, dyslexia and dyscalculia. I have occasional random episodes of, PTSD I guess, from trauma I went through when I was younger. I was in therapy for years... Didn't help. I also have a lot of hormonal issues. This is common in epileptic women... Female hormones make my seizures worse and more likely to have them (catamenial epilepsy). I've been on tons of different birth control drugs to try and control it but the problem is the drugs themselves are estradiol or progesterone.
I have a family history of dementia, Alzheimer's and other neurological disorders and it scares the hell out of me. My grandmother is in the intermediate stages right now.
Lets see.. I'm a 20 year old female. I was born about a month early. I was the first child (only, actually). Currently diet is a kosher pescetarian ketogenic diet (without dairy or eggs - both medical and ethical reasons). I don't smoke, and rarely drink.
Obtaining the drugs aren't an issue. My mom is a doctor; so is my aunt and my cousin. I know a lot of doctors. If I can get my brain to function at a higher capacity, I'll probably go into med school too at some point.
Money isn't an issue. I'd do almost anything and probably take anything to get my brain where it should be. Since I'm autoimmune my body has rejected a ton of the drugs I've been on before. I had terrible side effects and one could have killed me. I'm not scared of hard core deep stuff. Although obviously I'd prefer for it to work. I'm open to psychedelics, hallucinogens, things that aren't necessarily legal. As long as it might fix me.
However, now for the most part my autoimmunity seems stable. My docs think it was more active in the past due to hormones. It seems safe for me to take stuff now; otherwise I'd have taken nootropics a long time ago (for example, I just got an IUD and it isn't really causing me problems. I used to have the worst ever side effects).
All that said...
- I have a couple IMMEDIATE concerns since I'm starting a new course. They are;
* Motivation
Sometimes I fall into this state of anhedonia. I'm so lazy and apathetic when I'm like this.
* Energy
Even when I want to do stuff, I tire out really easily
* Focus/Concentration (whatever you would call it...)
I find it pretty hard to focus and STAY focused and get something done. Like a lot of autistics my executive functions aren't up to scratch and I'm distracted very easily. I also get bored extremely easily.
* Memory
To be frank, my memory isn't terrible. I actually have a good memory. But what I do have that is good, I want to be really, really good. Especially for the courseload I'll be taking.
* COMPREHENSION
This has happened so many times before. Even if I manage to focus on something or if I remember a lot of what I studied, that doesn't mean I understand or can comprehend it.
It's like the capacity for learning and comprehension is stagnant within my brain.
It's not even that I don't have a desire to learn, because I've always inhaled any knowledge I can get my hands on.
There will be no point to better memory or focus or anything if my learning capacity doesn't change.
* Neurogenesis and recovery from cellular death. Also want to boost my fluid intelligence level.
I want to regenerate my brain, and make it better than it ever was.
I'm particularly interested in the neurogenesis of GREY MATTER since I have big issues with dyscalculia, executive functions, etc and I'm going into a STEMs field. I'd be really happy if this neurogenesis could help the PARIETAL lobes, which I've been told is responsible in great part for intelligence in fields of math and science.
I know that most neurogenesis in adults happens in the hippocampus; however I wonder if there is a way to increase the cellular migration from the hippocampus?
- Concerns that are still pressing to me
* Faster processing speed/Sluggish cognitive tempo
The rate at which I process things is pathetic and I can only focus on one thing at a time.
* Visualization
When I try to meditate, my visualization ability is really crappy. I can't even seen to do it.
* Perceptual abilities/spatial awareness
Related really strongly to my dyscalculia. I have weak perception and basically no sense of direction. Even though visual memory is the strongest type of memory in humans, mine is really awful.
* Motor skills, hypotonia, clumsiness and reflexes
I hate this one especially because other people can tell it about me. I want to be athletic and play sports. Like a lot of autistic people my motor skills are pretty awful. I have hypotonia. Occupational therapy only goes so far.
* Sensory processing and language learning
I'm trying to learn another language and it's not going so well. A lot of my trouble seems related to my sensory processing issues; I just can't "hear" it "right" or with my visual memory being really awful when trying to learn an ideographic alphabet.
Well that about sums it up for now. Basically, I want to get my brain to a normal level, and then I want to make it better than normal.
I'm also really curious about if I should try physical solutions, such as tDCS. I don't know a lot about this though.
I'm also curious about other things such as brain entrainment. I know it's contraindicated with epileptics, but I know another epileptic friend who says brain entrainment actually stopped her seizures?? I know almost nothing about brain entrainment though.
Also really curious about biofeedback and neurofeedback.