Hi there!
I'm sick and tired of my anhedonia. I've been researching for a very long time now. I've been experimenting with supplements, drugs, meditation, mindfulness, diet: you name it. I've had ZERO result. I'm getting quite desperate to be honest. A couple of months ago I reached an absolute bottom where I tried to commit suicide.. While researching I came across this site a lot, so I hope there is someone who can help me with this. I'm going to give as much relevant information as possible. English is not my first language, so apologies for any mistakes.
I'm a 27 year old male, 1.80m, 73kg. I play football (soccer) three times a week.
Long story short: my life has been dull. 2 years ago I had my first relationship and my whole world changed. I really enjoyed life for the first as long as I could remember. After the infatuation phase, everything deteriorated again. Now my relationship has finished, and I'm back to square one.
I'm in treatment right now, but I only had an intake. September 1 I have my next appointment in which I have to take some tests. The only thing they could get out of my story is that I am suffering from anhedonia. They said I didn't show a lot of autism, Asperger related features etc. When I take online tests honestly I score very low at autism, Asperger etc.
May be important:
- I'm lactose intolerant
- 6 months ago I had a vitamin-d deficiency (25), after supplementation it was raised to 125.
- A DNA-test of 23andyou showed my I am heterozygous at A1298C (C1298C). I'm taking supplements right now for 2 weeks (methylguard plus - thorne and vitals vitamins of active B-forms), but I never felt different.
- More important 23andyou mutations: MTHFR.png 41.65KB 2 downloads
I've never felt any improvement with any supplement, and out of desperation I've taken a lot (I could start my own pharmacy...). I may have forgotten one:
- 5-HTP
- 5-MTHF
- Acetyl Carnitine
- Ashwaganda
- Avirayur HPA
- B12 in hydro, methyl and adenosyl form
- Biotine
- Calcium
- Choline
- Creatine
- DHEA
- DLPA
- GABA
- Ginkgo biloba
- Glycine
- Indole-3-carbinol
- L-carnitine
- L-carnitine fumarate
- L-glutamine
- L-lysine
- L-ornitine
- L-phenylalaline
- L-theanine
- L-tyrosine
- Lithium orotate
- Maca
- Magnesium (chelated and non-chelated)
- Mangane (chelated and non-chelated)
- Methyl Guard Plus
- Molybdene
- Mucuna pruriens
- Multivitamin (very complete, with active forms and trace minerals)
- N-Acetly-Cysteine (NAC)
- Prebiotics
- Probiotics
- Rhodiola extract
- Saffron
- SAMe
- Sarcosine
- St. Johns Wort
- Vitamin B's in active forms
- Vitamin D3 (cholecalciferol)
- Vitamin E
- Zinc (chelated and non-chelated)
I've taken some drugs:
- My GP prescribed me citalopram. It made me sleepy, killed my appetite, my ears began to rang and I could feel the nerves in my hand (can't describe this any better).
- My nephew has ADHD, so I tried methylphenidate. At 20mg I didn't feel anything. 40mg made me jittery and very irritated.
I've also tried some recreational drugs:
- XTC: made me feel awake in the beginning, but sleepy after a while. No extra empathy.
- MDMA: nothing really, even at high dose. It worked for a friend so it was no bad batch.
- LSD and psilocybin both make me very sleepy but raise my mood. After a while both result in extreme train of thoughts.
- Morning glory seeds: not a nice experience. I became very aware of my situation I'm in right now, it showed me I really lack emotions and made me feel bad about myself.
- Cannabis: raises my mood and appetite, made me more social.
My symptoms are:
- Very low sex drive. I rarely became randomly sexually excited, only really when seeing my girlfriend naked. I've never had problems with erections. But during vaginal penetration I ejaculated very quickly. During oral sex or handjob I could last long, strange enough those felt better too.
- No motivation to do anything (live on my own, new relationship, look for a job (lost my job months ago because of my problems))
- Very weak emotions, especially positive ones like love, joy (emotions can be strong with music or films/tv series or when I think of something that reminds me of my ex.. :/). I only feel those emotions in RL very rarely.
- No affective empathy (although my cognitive empathy is great)
- No emotional bond with people/I don't attach to people
- Soft ringing in my ears
- I seem to sweat a lot more than 'normal' people
- It seems my body is tense a lot: jaw clenching, tense chest. This also when I'm home alone for example. The sweating above and these symptoms: it seems my body is a constant fight-or-flight response?
- I never seem to get a dopamine rush or something like that. I do feel adrenaline, like in a roller coasters.
- Aphantasia: no imagination, can't image visual, smells, touch etc.
- Difficulties concentrating
I will edit this post when I come across new information.
I will really appreciate any help! You can suggest anything. I'm at a stage I will experiment with a lot, what do I have to lose?
Edited by Referer, 23 August 2017 - 06:48 PM.