Hello,
I feel pretty damn awful. The reason is that somehow no pdoc I have tried out in the past few years really seems to
put much thinking into drug therapy and possible approaches. It's like I get absolutely standard care and my actual symptoms
which I struggle with daily play no role at all! This makes me so damn angry.
For example, I suffer from depression,ocd,gad and add. That's what I know so far.
Even figuring out that I have add required a lot of begging on my side to finally get tested for it. This is also totally upsetting.
Anyway,
I have tried many drugs so far and nothing helped with any of my issues.
Ritalin doesn't help with add for example.
For depression/ocd/gad I tried many antidepressants which all sucked!
(celexa,stablon,valdoxan,remeron,wellbutrin,cymbalta,anafranil,memantine - off label trial)
Now the problem is that I put a lot of thinking into my symptoms and try to come up with possible explanantions and think about what kind of
neurotransmitters could be causing my issues. But my doc doesn't seem to care about this at all. He even told me to stop reading books about
this and stop thinking about it!
But how does this help me?
I mean if no antidepressant helps me then why do doctors not start to try other drugs which affect other transmitters in the brain? But somehow they don't.
I asked my doc about Lamictal. He said he doesn't think this will help me and I'm also not bipolar.
BUT for over a decade I have been noticing symptoms which are totally limiting and they affect me almost every day!
For example what I notice is that I have a very little stress tolerance. When I am exposed to something which is a threat to me or which scares me like reading
something scary online or on the news or getting bad news from the doctor then I almost instantly feel totally overwhelmed and aggitated.
Or when I have many things to do at once then I also get the same feeling.
Sometimes this feeling lasts the entire day and then I am completely unable to actually function. I do nothing productive at all and feel impatient and driven.
I dont even have the "patience" to cook for myself and then eat junk food. I also cannot focus or study.
I have been noticing this stuff for a long time and it's totally disabling.
Sometimes I almost feel as if I'm intoxicated somehow, this is how strong this feeling can get. It's the exact opposite of being at peace and having a clear mind.
Sometimes I also have melodies or music in my mind which I cannot turn off which is also totally annoying.
My thought was that maybe this kind of irritiability has something to do with excessive glutamate. I definitely know that antidepressants do not seem to tackle this at all.
I also cannot take benzos all day hoping that this will calm me down.
I really don't know what to do anymore. I feel like it's all up to me. I mean when I describe these symptoms to a doctor why doesn't he on his own come up with possible
explanations and then develop a treatment strategy? But even when I personally bring these things up it doesn't matter cause my suggestions are not really taken seriously.
I was thinking about trying lamictal and already asked my doc twice and he always declined.
I don't know many other drugs out there which would also affect glutamate and which could be prescribed for depression.
Stuff like riluzole would be off label and hardly any doctor would be willing to prescribe it to me they would probably be too scared.
Lithium seems more risky to me than lamictal when it comes to side effects and safety.
Lamictal is the only thing which comes to my mind. I also tried taking NAC 600mg but I don't notice any difference when I take it.
Do you have any ideas or suggestions? What would you do if you had such symptoms?
I mean if I "only" had depression,ocd,GAD then it would be easier but this irritability is something else in my opinion.
It's at least as limiting as being depressed all day and not being able to work. When I'm in this restless state then I also cannot focus on anything.
What I also notice is that my depression is also not stable. I am easily overwhelmed by problems which then make the depression much worse and this
can happen pretty easy. I also didn't notice any benefit from antidepressants when it comes to being overwhelmed.
I mean how shall I become stable and "functionable" when I have like 10 different problems in my life which all have the potential to overwhelm me and
make me become totally depressed at any time when I am reminded of them? I try to not thinking about things which can trigger depression but this doesn't
work all the time. Sometimes I start to think about my situation and then it always hits me like a sledgehammer again and again no matter how often I have already
thought about the SAME problems it never becomes any different. I don't get used to it or get over it or am able to just accept it.