160 replies to this topic

[maestro949]

Love the "When Harry Met Sally" reference. Although, now that I am older, I find that attitudes change a bit. Sexual desire increases in women (generally) when they reach the 30-40 age range, while it is well known that male testosterone declines dramatically after the mid 30s.

Yes, that's why older men like to trade their middle-aged wives in for younger women. All that nagging for more sex just gets on our nerves [tung]

[Live Forever]

Unless, of course, the guy is gay. That changes everything.

It kind of applies to friends of the current girlfriend as well. You almost have to be friends (or at least pretend to be) with your girlfriend's friends.

[maestro949]

Yeah, once we nab this immortality problem we'll have to look for those pesky jealousy pathways.

[Infernity]

I thought that the debate over male-female friendship was concluded as impossible...


Sally: We are just going to be friends, OK?
Harry: Great, friends. It's the best thing...You realize, of course, that we can never be friends.
Sally: Why not?
Harry: What I'm saying is - and this is not a come-on in any way, shape, or form - is that men and women can't be friends, because the sex part always gets in the way.
Sally: That's not true. I have a number of men friends and there is no sex involved.
Harry: No, you don't.
Sally: Yes, I do.
Harry: No, you don't.
Sally: Yes, I do.
Harry: You only think you do.
Sally: You're saying I'm having sex with these men without my knowledge?
Harry: No, what I'm saying is they all want to have sex with you.
Sally: They do not.
Harry: Do too.
Sally: They do not.
Harry: Do too.
Sally: How do you know?
Harry: Because no man can be friends with a woman that he finds attractive. He always wants to have sex with her.
Sally: So you're saying that a man can be friends with a woman he finds unattractive.
Harry: No, you pretty much want to nail them, too.
Sally: What if they don't want to have sex with you?
Harry: Doesn't matter, because the sex thing is already out there, so the friendship is ultimately doomed, and that is the end of the story.

For all those who think we are naive, let me tell you guys some secret....... We all quite know this, but how would life look like if we all ladies acted like we do, and treat it as a harsh thing? We would cease to end, now wouldn't we... Of course I know that all my friends wouldn't be friends of mine if I looked otherwise, it brought them in the first place to be willing to become *friends* whatever it is.

Believe me, that females are more aware to that than you think, it is just moral to deny, the same as you will in some point deny your capabilities if one will start spreading them insanely and you have a bit of morality and consideration.

I just learnt how to live with it, my male friends are still a lot more than females, because they are more fun to be with, less gossips and less jealousness, less stupid competition, and more complements and encouragement, event if that's an act, that's nice to hear, and they are honest.


-Infernity

[rjws]

The story of how I found my wife.


I was living in Jackson Mississippi, I was Managing a store for my company up there in the Ghetto. working 80 hours a week no free time. I tried yahoo personals . No ad mind you just bought the service wrote to a few gals.
The dates that resulted were horrible .

Date 1: Horrible screechy southern accent , girl was pretty but dumb as a brick.

Date 2. Amazon with a chainsmoking problem.

After two dates I gave up . After my assignment in Jackson ends I come home and a year later a girl pops up on my yahoo messenger and asks Who I am as she is cleaning up her list. We get to talking and Bam we get along. We go bowling
The girl is pretty and dressed impeccably. Two weeks later she moves in six months later were married and been so over 3 years

She and I both just finished our insurance for ALCOR thru Rudy.

Originanlly she went to church but said she always kinda doubted alot of it. and of course I showed her the light......

[caston]

I didn't enter my first relationship or have sex until I was about 21-22 and since then
all the girls i've been with I met over the net or through my self-employment but I really just seized the day. I am confident that I could meet girls at other places but work to hard in my business so I don't get to go out much. I really just talked to them and then made a move.

The only times I ever got knocked back for that was in my late teens when I had been drinking. I met lots of girls then that I could have easily made a successful moves on but I didn't because being an aspie makes it hard to read the emotions and social ques telling me its ok to go ahead.

Going to the gym is good for getting your body into shape and getting you broad shoulders the problem is that it can become an addiction. You start thinking I'll be able to get a girlfriend when I have a 6 pack or when my pecs reach a certain size and I have arms like he-man. There is a big danger of becoming somewhat of a narcissist here and the woman doesn't want you to be focused on yourself she wants you to be focused on her.

You'll find that most of the people going to the gym are other men anyway.
A really good way to meet women is learning to dance.

The other thing is that there are a shortage of good men. Lots of men drink a lot of alcohol and smoke weed or are just plain slobs. If you set yourself out as different and buy them the reproductive organs known a roses and show traditional courtesy to them and take them out on dates you are already ahead and have more to offer than many guys out there.

[treonsverdery]

Humor value:
This topic ranges from the nearly impossible "how might I get Queen Elizabeth III to appear topless at my Bar Mitzvah even though I'm not Jewish and I'm on another planet; also it's possible I'm a kelp forest" level of difficulty to the "what does a bus pass do" puzzle. I feel amusement n tension when I think about it.

empathy attempt: People like relationships. I know what you mean.


Utility function:

Use your bus pass. CSNY wrote a song "love the one you are with" I guess it might be broadly viewed as saying: women like you, just talk with them


Read Cosmopolitan magazine to immanentize your spiritual bus pass. It is a full of Girl seeks date now energy. Just like guys though there's the added embellishment of sexuality. I read Cosmo because I like it, but it's kind of flattering to know that women are way keen on n generally amiable about romance

Things that have actually repeatably caused romance with my life:
long hair, sounds vain but it attracts adventuresome persons. eeerie: I read a study where cannabis users had triple the liklihood of having had sex with someone as a college student. Even if you are essentially fully legally compliant you will know more casual relationship people if you have long hair. sex and relationships frequently go together.

Friends or "whatever". Your freakish lovable friends will find you dates if you even hint at doing this on their behalf as well. "Whatever" is out there too. I was kind of like a deer w/headlight dumbness when a gay professor asked me out, he immediately had me write a paper with the prettiest girl n class as a goodwill "oops" response. Plus, statustically, some of your friends girlfriends will attempt to sleep with you then pass you to their friends after you either go with or go against their wishes.

Travel. There are things called Youth Hostels, they are cheap places to stay full of adventurers. You get to skip dating and just be with a variety of women as comrades. One or more per city will like you.

Thing's I've wondered about but have yet to try:

Edited by treonsverdery, 02 November 2006 - 04:41 AM.

[Dream]

I have been both a bouncer and a bartender. I am a straight male, 28 years of age. That having been said, I will tell you that I have to go with Brandon and with caston on this subject.

I am currently single. However, what I have seen many times and used personally to start something potentially successful with a woman is confidence, confidence, confidence. It almost doesn't matter what you are confident about - other than the fact that you can fulfill this woman's sexual desires easily and something that you are really into for your own enrichment. Money helps, but is not the primary motivator here. In fact, a rich chick will take an almost perverse interest in you if you are completely confident, have "your own thing" that you are into, and happen to be financially disadvantaged. LOL

Never forget that the "love of your life" comes along at least once per day, whether you are present or not. It's a matter of making yourself receptive to this sort of idea. What we all want is fairly simple (as men) because all women want pretty close to the same thing. The only thing left to decide on are specifics like body, present inclinations, knowledge level, etc.. when picking a mate.

Getting a girlfriend is much easier than you might currently think. It requires adjusting your way at looking at things a bit, and then putting ourself in some environment where you can use your adjusted thinking. A bar is a great place to start, provided you have adequate knowledge of the people you are most likely to meet in bars beforehand.

[olaf.larsson]

Generally when you talk to girls you should try not to think so much what you are talkning about but to create a possitive atmosphere. You should not think "I desperatly want to f--- this girl tonight" but rather think "this girl is seems nice I will give her my attention and speak to her so that we both could enjoy the time we spend together".

[ronan]

This topic had little interest for me until a conversation with an old friend happened earlier tonight. She was four years younger than me and all through high school we had an on-again-off-again stalking relationship. Those were good times, and probably the law wouldn''t approve now.

Most of my friends are happily married and I feel that it is time to settle down and have a family. But I have been personally sabotaging myself by dating women much too young and immature to have a relationship (nothing under 18+). It is only through this conversation that I realized I am ill-content with my present surroundings and financialy solvency such that I am not confident in providing a stable environment to raise children.

What is the A-1 quality you should look for in dating? If you are dating to the end that you want to have a family it should be, Is she marriage material. However I find myself placing that pre-requiste far down the list if at all. Most often the prime pre-requiste is will this be fun? I gravitate to girls that are younger than myself, and I have to ask why. Perhaps because I am a dreamer and slightly immature for my age I aim for people in that maturity level to resonate with. Kowing full well that it will not last and that I will not engage in a long term relationship.

We got to talking about men in their 30's, 40's and 50's wanting to date younger women. What do you think makes them drop their marriage of 20+ years to trade in their mate for a younger, faster, hotter model? Besides men being pigs, I think it has a little more to do with their fleeting mortality. Men feeling the ravages of time want to be re-assured that they've still got it. In most cases the younger women are drawn to the financial stability of the man and not his "it."

Should men in the 50's be dating 20 year olds? If the longevity movement is successful and people can maintain their looks indefinately into their hundreds where does the acceptable lower age limt ebb out for a spry 120 year old? 50? 19? It gets a little crazy, so lets stick to present reality.

Can we use this jump point to entertain the discussion as to what you believe is the most opportune age to marry? Admittedly this would vary from person to person, but in my experience most women under 25 are still young, naive and immature. Additionally what ages do you believe should be the acceptable medical range for women to have children?

Meeting new people is not difficult. As cosmically goofy as it sounds if you write down the desired attributes your dream girl, or guy, the Universe will somehow magically provide it for you. You just have to take the initiative and interact with more and more people. Or you could just wait for her to pop up on your messenger. =)

Seems like I need to re-evaluate things, aim towards financial secrity and look for women with a bit more maturity and age (shudder!) so I can settle down.

Edited by ronan, 17 July 2006 - 09:45 AM.

[Ghostrider]

I have never actually tried an online dating service, but I do browse craigslist.org from time to time. I know one friend from work who has used it and claimed that it was helpful for meeting new people, but the people you meet in person are just different from how you think they are before actually meeting them -- after conversing through e-mail -- for better or worse. He eventually stopped using online dating services as he did not want to be "discovered" using one by someone he knew. I would have to agree. Unless I was in a new city where no one else knew me, I would not want to be caught using such a service. Mostly because I don't want to expose myself on the Internet...guess I am just paranoid in that way. However, with most of the pay dating services such as Match.com and Yahoo, they now require both the sender and the receiver to be paying members. It used to just be that the sender had to pay, but I think things have changed. If this is true, then only the most desperate girls will pay for such a service as girls have a lot easier time meeting guys than guys have meeting girls. That's a gross generalization, but evaluate it for yourself and you will see that it is true.

My problem is that I don't want to go out looking for a girlfriend. I have other things to do with my time and I don't want to spend time "searching". Now this may explain why it has been three years since I had my last girlfriend despite the fact that I am 24. I have browsed the only free site that I know, craigslist.com and it's mostly filled with women who have other objectives in life than I do. When I e-mail a girl and after two e-mails she asks why I am wanting to know so much about her and that I already know more about her compared to some of the previous guys she has slept with...I think abort, abort, get out now. So I don't know where to find "professional" or "scientifically-minded" women on the Internet without having to subscribe to a pay service which I have not yet become desperate enough to do. Also, I may be living in a different area of the country a year from now so that kinda puts into question the possibility of finding a long-term relationship. Overall, I have too much to do to think about my "singular" nature for any extended period of time, but there are times that I wish I just knew more women my age.

This may sound eccentric, but I have given some consideration (not serious consideration, but speculation) to those International dating services. A friend of a friend married a very beautiful woman who was unlike most women in the US. Coming from a more challenging background had influenced her personality in a positive way. She was supposedly very sincere, independent, and extremely intelligent. They married very casually, in fact there was no romance at all initially. He married her so she could continue to stay in the US to work after college. They did not even live together initially, but after some time, they did end up becoming an actual couple beyond the legal sense. If I was in that position, I think would do the same thing even if I was not attracted to the woman I married. I definitely agree that citizenship should be earned rather than granted based on where someone was born. I would get one hell of a pre-nup though.

[FunkOdyssey]

My problem is that I don't want to go out looking for a girlfriend. I have other things to do with my time and I don't want to spend time "searching". Now this may explain why it has been three years since I had my last girlfriend despite the fact that I am 24.

Yes, that definitely explains it. As the saying goes, "you can't win if you don't play." It took me 8 years, about 20 relationships (ranging from 1 month to 3 years), and another 80-100 girls that didn't make it past the first/second date range, to find my "soulmate". The amount of time and effort that represents is admittedly obscene (although I don't regret a moment of it). I have friends that make absolutely zero effort to meet girls, either in person or online, and complain to me that they are lonely.

People generally understand that education, careers, money, spiritual mastery, excellence at a sport or skill, all require dedicated time and effort. And yet, they somehow expect the woman and the relationship of their dreams to just fall into their lap. EVERYTHING in life worth having requires hard work, and this area of life is no exception.

A friend of a friend married a very beautiful woman who was unlike most women in the US. Coming from a more challenging background had influenced her personality in a positive way.

That doesn't surprise me. Our culture produces self-centered, materialistic, superficial individuals that live meaningless lives running on the hedonic treadmill (work more, earn more, buy more toys and short-lived pleasures, grow weary of them, repeat). Exceptions abound of course -- this forum is full of them -- but finding them is not easy.

[MichaelAnissimov]

Sex Better Than Money for Happiness

Been years since your last girlfriend/sexual encounter? Here is a plan that will work eventually, even if you are in the bottom 10% of choicey meats:

1. groom self.
2. visit a place where people dance.
3. dance with girls in your league.
4. consume alcohol, engage in conversation.
5. ??????
6. sex.

In any active room at a club filled with, say, 100 people, there will be roughly 50 guys and 50 girls, distributed on a normal curve for attractiveness and intelligence. Say that around half of them are taken, the other half wants to get laid. Say there are five "classes" of attractiveness/social ability/what have you. People want to have sex with others of a higher class, but will ultimately settle for someone in their same class, although they will always refuse a lower class if they correctly identify it. As long as you are not in the very bottom class, it's only a matter of time until you run into someone who sees you as acceptable.

Confidence is of course important and is a feedforward process - more confidence makes you act more attractive which inspires more confidence, etc.

[mitkat]

even if you are in the bottom 10% of choicey meats

[lol] ...that's hilarious...prime cuts, baby!

[Ghostrider]

Say that around half of them are taken, the other half wants to get laid. 

Remember, women are like parking spaces, all the good ones are taken.

[RighteousReason]

women are like parking spaces

And only handicapped people are allowed the best ones?

[caston]

I thought it was they are like parking spaces "Their either taken or handicaped"

disclaimer: that is not my belief merely something I read on slashdot.

[treonsverdery]

This is iffy but I like the idea get Skype, ask women their phone numbers, then write a script to randomly telephone them, whoever picks up the phone you talk with n ask on a date

Edited by treonsverdery, 02 November 2006 - 04:47 AM.

[stephen]

Has this thread officially made the top-ten most popular list on ImmInst yet?

Shows what people care about: immortality or relationships? Relationships win every time. I bet dating discussion sites get incredible viewership numbers.

[Ghostrider]

I thought it was they are like parking spaces "Their either taken or handicaped"

disclaimer: that is not my belief merely something I read on slashdot.

Yeah, that actually is how it goes...I changed it slightly as I did not want to offend anyone. :-)

[Shepard]

I have delved very slightly into the PUA arena lately, and from my (very minor) field-testing of a few methods...it's pretty damn good.

[Ghostrider]

Has this thread officially made the top-ten most popular list on ImmInst yet?

Shows what people care about: immortality or relationships?  Relationships win every time.  I bet dating discussion sites get incredible viewership numbers.

I bet they do also. But who says you can't have both? Most of the discussion above pertains to discussing how immortality beleifs are incorporated into relationships. That to have one, one is not forced to sacrifice the other. If immortality is ever to become mainstream, it must not exclude relationships. Relationships can be wonderful and I don't think they necessarily have to become limiting. What we have discussed above is that it is harder to find a partner who also shares the same views. We afterall, have not become mainstream yet.

Two additional comments:

1. This is the off-topic lounge.
2. A relationship is a heck of a lot easier to achieve than immortality, hence that is why society is more interested in the more closely-tangible things than the less-tangible.

[DJS]

If I were wearing my tinfoil hat I'd comment on clever dating ideas.

ROTFLMAO! [g:)]

[caston]

Right now I see entering a relationship as a threat to my immortality. My last relationship was definately taking me down the wrong path but it at least got me motivated to say goodbye to mainstream deathism. All recent females that showed interest in me are smokers and i'm staying well away from that no matter how hot they are.

If I meet the right woman at uni I might change my mind though. I've been uncomfortable for a most of the year due to sexual health reasons but I think my body is finally recovering from them thanks to a beefed up regimen and a few other tricks. Definately will stick to safe sex though.

[Live Forever]

definately

definitely


(Yes I realize I am an ass) [tung]

[AdamDavis]

Whoa! This thread's done really well [huh]

[Brainbox]

Apparently the starter of this topic found a date and consequently lost the time to contribute to imminst. [lol]

[stephen]

Right now I see entering a relationship as a threat to my immortality.

I've found that the main danger of relationships is that they make you... happy. Happy and satisfied with life. It's easier to become complacent and live day-to-day without considering your untimely future demise.

All those college students with radical ideas and philosophies end up getting married, having 2.3 kids, and living in suburbia. This is not a trend that's easily avoidable.

[caston]

I actually tried really hard to get into the job/wife/mortgage/family thing but here I am fueling my mind with cutting edge science and making big plans for my eternity.

[Ghostrider]

I actually tried really hard to get into the job/wife/mortgage/family thing but here I am fueling my mind with cutting edge science and making big plans for my eternity.

I definitely think focusing on job/wife/family is a noble goal...once our terminal condition has been cured.