Well... I would classify myself as a Christian. But I neither believe in God or an afterlife. A belief in God would require sufficient knowledge as would define God, which strikes me as futile, and the afterlife is seldom referred to biblically, the notion of Heaven serving the purpose of allegory and metaphor for the lifestyle Jesus (a Jew) advocated, and that would, in subsequent decades, come to be known as the breakaway Jewish sect of Christianity. Similarly the notion of Hell was applied metaphorically to the lifestyle Jesus rejected. In the centuries following Jesus' life, as christianity has evolved, a great many nonbiblical ideas have crept into the culture, most of which would be better off discarded.
I view the human mind's ability to comprehend and utilise science to be a wonderful asset, but ultimately a limited one. Is religion therefore my opiet of choice? Maybe... maybe not. It comforts me to be sure, though only some of the time. But I don't think it encourages me to embrace false truths. I don't, as a christian, lay claim to any knowledge that I would otherwise not possess. My spiritual life is not rooted in belief. It is, rather, rooted in my awareness of my own limitations, of my fragility... and finally of my shortcomings. It is in humility before the limitless unknown, standing on the edge of the abyss and looking into it (as opposed to turning my back), that I find what one may wish to refer to as 'God'. The poetry and story of Jesus' life and teachings as reflected in the gospels stirs my heart in such a way as to powerfully transform and renew me. It reminds me of what is most dear to me, convicting and encouraging me. I wrestle and I struggle with it, even as I look to it for some kind of peace.
But at no point do I endeavour to believe what I rightfully cannot. I hope, and I try to live by that hope. Belief, however, evades me. Life after death? ...It sure seems unlikely, doesn't it?
This is the issue, no one is traditionally a
true follower of a religion, it is a venture of the self and through it there comes a modification to fit the individual's own psyche. One can believe nothing to its core level because beliefs change, people change, and more importantly diversity exists. Religion has gone through such modifications over the period of secularization that i doubt the original founders of religion would even recognize it. Knowledge has brought it to a metaphoric level. The story of Sodom and Gomorrah, of giving the angels residence while allowing the crowds to take his daughters, knowing full well what fate would befall them. A god who would require the capacity to sacrifice your own son to show the strength of your faith. One who tradition honors by the lives he has taken during the 10 plagues of Egypt according to religion. I can even understand when people say the god of the old testament and the new testament seem to be two entirely different entities. It becomes a reflection of collective humanity, changing through the eras.
Christianity brought compassion into the religion, but that was most likely due to the populace who had brought the religion into their hearts, and those were people who could be considered marginalized. Once Christianity gained popularity it was responsible for such blood shed (inquisition, crusades, let's not forget the people killed because of the plague), that it is impossible to recognize any original message. I do not trust the bibles because it is a book of fairy tales, if anyone wrote a book similar today, it would be listed in the fiction (or new age) section without any more thought given to it. Just look at communism; naive people are always exploited.
Can you not see this abyss of your understanding, the void of your awareness that you call god, as a mere filling of a vacuum? Personally though, i value any individual who follows his own mind and heart rather than someone who just follows without question. Given your passages i assume you're one of those people. I do however believe that one can develop nothing but nihilism when it comes to such topics, life provides no real answers and science is by far one of the greatest tools we developed to understanding the mystery of life, but even
it has limits.
It is much more interesting to cast a reflection of your own psyche by figuring out where your thoughts come from, rather than to mistake the reflection for truth.