This is an interesting topic that brings back vivid memories. I would like to add my own experience. I have done many drugs, but I think the repercussions from MDMA were the worst of all of them, although at the height of the high it seemed to be the most blissful of the many natural or synthetic substances I have ever ingested. If I had taken pure MDMA in a supervised condition in the most favorable circumstances, certainly that would have been better than getting whatever I could get. Even so, when you artificially lift yourself up to such an incredible high, you must come down. The extreme drop is quite harsh.
Without getting in too deep, you not only deal with physical consequences, you can also open yourself up to psychic influences because you may have created tears or holes in your aura, your electromagnetic, energetic protective web or field. This is your filter that protects you from negative external influences. People think they are only dealing with the effects of physical chemicals here, but you cannot separate the physical from the metaphysical. There are physical toxic effects, as well as psychic toxic effects. These things happen folks. I will not vouch for everyone’s experience, since some people can be much more resilient than others, but this is a powerful drug we are dealing with, and this is more likely to happen than not.
I compare the artificial high from MDMA with reaching higher states of consciousness, naturally, such as in a kundalini awakening. The whole awakening cycle can lead to a burnout, where the body’s resources have been used up to climb the heights of the awakening peak. What goes up must come down. Of course, it doesn’t have to be a terrible experience, but what is called the “Dark Night of the Soul” is usually experienced. I liken it to the darkest hour before the dawn of a beautiful new day. This is a natural cycle, and for many, very appropriate because it can provide a profound and valuable growth experience.
I experienced this Dark Night of the Soul at the tail end of my MDMA addiction. I think this was the lowest point of my entire life, and there were many, many low points before and after that event, so the experience had a lot of competition for that slot! I experienced years of depression before that, but the MDMA pushed me to my rock bottom point. Of course, I don’t regret that because I figured out how to put the pieces of myself back together and to rebuild something new. It did take years, though.
Under perfect controlled circumstances, perhaps MDMA could be helpful to achieve a specific purpose, with the support of others, with all the right nutrients and a healthy physical foundation, but I think there are few who are fortunate enough to have all of these elements in place. But, I do understand that some people are in serious need of drastic measures when nothing else has worked to resolve intolerable suffering. Some people may need crazy things to happen to wake them up or heal them. To that, I leave you with the words of a master:
“Use only that which works, and take it from any place you can find it.”
-Bruce Lee, Tao of Jeet Kune Do
My experience was similar but a bit different than yours with MDMA. I don't think the great highs of MDMA ever equalled great lows. Actually, usually I only felt better after the experience, never going downhill from there. I never experienced rebound depressions, Then again I honestly think this was one of the purest batches of mdma around. But the problem is, I unrealistically treated this as a medication that would actually work for me on a day to day basis, while ignoring the potential neurotoxicity and tolerance problems. Eventually I began digging myself into a physical hole. Just constantly trying to get even the base effect of MDMA, taking more and more of it, and even overdosing and causing acute kidney failure. But in reality I was just burning out my neurons and desperately trying to get myself out of a hole that i dug myself deep into. Of course, before I got into the hole I was already in another hole due to mental illness... and i of course used that as my explanation as to why i was doing this to myself. The funny thing is though that I was ignoring how I felt like totally fucked up all the time, just to feel something that slightly resembled what I was looking for. Was all that damage really worth it? Hell no. I wish I had better guidance and influence during this time. Or some more common sense. It's very hard to get out of a drug addiction when there is no medication or person in sight that can help you. But thank god that period of my life is over.
All in all I do think MDMA can be very useful but it needs to be used in a holistic manner. Also I find there is a bit of naivety with all drug usage like this, where you get that "honeymoon effect" and then can't step back and view things how they actually are. It would be great if people could have a better understanding of exactly what was happening to them or the exact purpose they were using the drug for. Of course sometimes this is difficult when being high on a drug is the time that you actually discover some purpose. That's why it would be great if you had some guiding and influencing factors, whether it be a psychiatrist/clinician or a shaman or a friend, but it's very important that they understand your condition so they can work with you to help you. Not only that but they need to have a great understanding of the MDMA experience themselves, and also be in a mature and developed condition , a "grown up" one as you will.
Edited by protoject, 21 October 2012 - 12:17 PM.
