As far back as I can remember I've had terrible anxiety. Even at 6 or 7 I would throw up from stress over school, little league baseball or talking to a relative I hadn't seen in awhile. Throwing up in the shower before school became part of my routine. Sometimes I'd throw up every few hours for 4-5 days straight if I was worried about grades or a big test or something. For the longest time I thought it was a physical problem. I went from doctor to doctor and none of them could figure it out. Finally, the summer before my second year of high school a doctor prescribed 50 mg of Zoloft after seeing a history of mental illness in my family. For the first year it was a godsend. My anxiety was completely gone. I was able to focus in school, got straight A's for the first time. I started making friends easily. It was great.
Then the side effects started creeping in. ED, delayed ejaculation, lack of motivation. It felt like my happiness was at a constant 3-4 on a scale of 1-10. I never got excited about anything. It made me a feel like a zombie. Stupidly I would go cold turkey for awhile, the side effects would go away, the anxiety would slowly return and I'd start up again. For 8-9 years I did this without any problems. In the last year or so it pooped out on me. I've been off it for 6 months now. My anxiety is still low but I've had terrible brain fog and zero motivation. I played online poker for 5 years and I completely lost the ability to focus and think ahead. I always lose my train of thought when talking to friends and I have tip of the tongue syndrome real bad. My GF of 2 years left me and I'm back to living with my parents at 25. I feel lost.
So I'm trying to clear my brain fog and boost my motivation while keeping my anxiety low. Here's what I've tried:
-Piracetam, Aniracetam: I am a non responder. Piracetam at any dose just makes me sleepy. I've tried anywhere between 800 mg and 10 g's and the same thing always happens.
-ALCAR: I don't notice much
-Sulbutiamine: This was awesome for about a week but I can't get it to work anymore
-DMAA: I was taking jack3d as a pre workout and it made me feel amazing until it stopped working
-Wellbutrin: When I took this alongside Zoloft I didn't notice any boost in motivation. I recently took it without the Zoloft and it gave me terrible anxiety.
I noticed I have a bit of a gut even though I'm pretty skinny and work out 3-4 times a week. I thought this might be from either elevated cortisol from the anxiety or inflammed/leaky gut from being obese during my teen years and acid reflux. So I've taken these:
-PS: 400-800mg a day
-Vitamin C: 1000-2000 mg a day
-Dhea: I took 25-50mg for short periods of time.
-Glutamine: 3-5g's a day
-Bovine Colostrum: I forget the exact dosage but I took Jarrow's formula as directed
-All kinds of Probiotics
-Turmeric/Curcumin: Crappy Nature Made brand
I thought I might have some sort of adrenal fatigue
-Ashwagandha
-Rhodiola
-Maca
What I'm taking now:
-SAM-E: 400-600 mg a day. This seems to help a bit with overall mood.
-Omega-3: I go back and forth between a high DHA product and a regular Fish oil with higher EPA. So far I like the EPA better.
-85 Billion CFU probiotic
-Vitamin D: 5000 iu
-ZMA: Mostly because I think I'm magnesium deficient. I also just got some epsom salt
I have an adrenal support formula on the way.
My diet is pretty good. I have gluten maybe once a month. I'm trying to cut dairy out. I still have most of a 10 lb bag of whey protein left :(. I've tried kale smoothies but they just make me tired. I occasionally take a greens powder.
After reading about a connection between SSRI's and testosterone I had my levels checked. My insurance won't cover anything more than a basic blood panel so I had to pay out of pocket. I've had it checked 3 times and I always end up between 315-340. My doctor says its in the normal range and there is nothing wrong with me. Yeah I'd be normal if I were 75. I'm tempted to get a on a cycle of test and see how I feel. I'm just worried about the legality and messing with my hormones and fertility.
Between supplements and diet my brain fog is about 20-30% better. My motivation is still low. I have trouble getting out of bed each day. I don't know how much of that is my brain chemistry and how much is just feeling shitty about losing my job, girlfriend and freedom. Any advice would be greatly appreciated.