8 replies to this topic

[Babychris]

Hello to all of you. It has been more than 1 year that I try to find something that let me live with a clear mind, some good emotions and a decreased sense of fear and anxiety.
This forum to say the least didn't help me to see the light, I ended up last year failing in my most important exam after a month of modafinil use that let me CRAZY.

After that, remission never happened, it was like my brain chemistry was destroyed, and being severly maniac before (all the time but in a good way) now I was really delisiunal, feeling like this induced fail was worst than the death of anyone (except my mother God bless her) I get a EXCEPTIONNAL right to repass my exam, as my Doctor told them that I was suffering from severe anxiety issues and kind of depersonalition.

Till today I'm permanently worried about how my year will ended I'm actually passing maybe the hardest exam in the world (seriously to pass it you MUST work 12h/Day with a very very sharp mind) I knew some guy with an IQ > 150 miserably failing. So my depressed state don't let me feel much optmistic anyway, I'm not someone who let the world beat his ass. I've fight all my life against my unique brain chemistry since my early childhood (I have some vivd memories from the age of 2)

Anyway I've tried almost every stack with no success. After some analysis I've found that after this modafinil binge, Piracetam and other direct/indirect Aspartic receptor positive modulator get my depression *1000 it was like my brain would become manic, but a strong barrier get this state in a no-word depression.
It could be related to the ACH route, but I was on this NDMA hypothesis. So I remembered that I had some MXE at home (never tried it just was curious and bought it with some ethylphenidate before) and yesterday I've tried a low dose.
Hey man! That was nice! My mind was a lot clearer my unipolar depression was slighly allievate and I felt the potential of the beast. Today I titrate very accuratly a dose < 5mg coupled with some SJW, BACOPA and a bit of 2-FA for the focus and dude that was OKAY. It's hard to explain but since my severe mania episode, I'm really aware of my brain. I always was, by this I mean that some people act really in a dissociation with theirself they can do something that I feel strongly embarassing and they don't feel anything that to key to happiness, to be free. I could speak hours on what I've theorized about mania but I won't since my english is quite insipid and hasardous .

So I'll finish with my current stack hoping it will work

MXE, once 2/3 day <10 mg
SJW, TID 300 mg
BACOPA MONNIERI 20% bacosides : BID 400mg of extract
and maybe some ritalin or 2-FA but it INCREASE MASSIVELY my depression, and this feeling that I can't speak, (like I'm in jail in my body)

[lammas2]

Keep MXE dosage low and watch out for tolerance.

[Babychris]

I must keep it low lol if I don't wat to end up like my friend yesterday saying that he is speaking but that he feels that is not him, or to be totally dissociate. But don't worry I don't use it for a recreational purpose at all.

[PWAIN]

You may want to read the nsi-189 thread and see if you think it could help you.

[Babychris]

I don't know .. Do it have some real cognitive benefits ?! I'm really hopeful about it but I don't know I've been so much disapointed in the past.
And I'm waiting that group-buy starts/

[Christian Hunter]

Babychris,

First, let me say I feel your pain and sympathize with the day-to-day struggle you continue to mount against what sounds to be a genuine underlying psychological disorder(s) of some sort.

And in using the term "disorder" please don't think I'm implying you have some deep and intractable cognitive deficit…I don’t think that’s the case. For that matter, I’d bet a good number of active (and often wildly intelligent) contributors to these boards are (or have) themselves actively fighting against shortfalls in their own sub-optimal (or even downright non-cooperative) psychological makeup.

I will say that after reading your OP, probably two dozen different possible solutions for your condition rushed into my mind. The problem is, odds are most won’t really help, and even worse, a few could do you harm.

None of us can accurately surmise which (if any) real underlying issues you might be have. As such, I think most fellow forum contributors would agree that without even the most basic data about your mental and physical background it would be practically impossible to make accurate assumptions about what ails you, much less propose solutions. As an example, (and I would advise against answering any of these hypothetical questions) we don't know the following:

1. are you, or have you seen a psychologist or psychiatrist? if so, did they diagnose you with any disorder(s)

2. have you recently had blood-work done? did that blood work include a full hormone panel?

3. have you suffered an injury or trauma in the past that had a marked effect on your neurological function (even if it's since seemingly resolved)?

And the list goes on and on….

So in summary, there’s good news and bad news:

The bad news is "I don't think you can reasonably expect anyone here to post the answer; that silver bullet as it were which would turn it all around for you.

The good news however is this: the answer is out there, and I’d bet there's a number of treatment regimens that will profoundly improve your condition(s). Maybe it’s diet, maybe exercise, maybe an allergist will point out something/multiple things you're allergic to, maybe you'll respond well (as many do) to cognitive behavioral therapy, or pharmaceuticals, or nutraceuticals, nootropics, or probably some combination thereof.

That’s a long winded way of suggesting to you, strongly, that you seek immediate assistance from a qualified medical professional.

Parting words: It would be supremely hypocritical if I took an educated guess and suggested a possible solution set to you, so I won’t. There is one thing I can tell you with near certainty however, such certainty in fact that I’d be willing to literally eat my left hand in front of a webcam for all of Longecity and the world to see if I'm wrong. Here's the prediction:

NOT ONE one of those possible treatment regimens will include either MXE or 4-FA....seriously!

So, that's my .02 cents friend. Please know I wouldn't have spent the time to write this damn post out if I didn't feel a real concern that you could easily hurt yourself without professional guidance, but more a very strong confidence that there are probably any number of "recipes" that will substantially improve, reverse, or ameliorate your underlying condition(s). Again, I'll bet there are many different treatment vectors that'll bring you the relief you deserve, and I wish you the best in discovering them soon!

Thanks,

Christian Hunter

Edited by Christian Hunter, 28 October 2013 - 04:01 AM.

[Guardian4981]

Hope it works for you.

For me, SJW helped initially, then weeks later caused me depression to be even worse, also gave my eyelid twiches.

Bacopa gave me vetrigo and sleepiness.

I have yet to completely figure out how to combat the D without pharmas, but I personally think there are better options then your stack.

[jakord]

If you keep your MXE dosage low, I don't necessarily see a problem with it. Memantine might be a safer option for long-term use though.

[machete234]

MXE, once 2/3 day <10 mg

Id say your mood lift is the MXE and if it works then its fine, 5mg is not a very high dose so thats ok, dont take a lot of that stuff and you will be fine.

These substances worked for cases of depression that could not be cured, often they do this with ketamine but MXE should work. Note that there is an after glow for several days so its not necessary to take that every day. For example once a week can be fine depending on the dose and so on.

A warning though this stuff can be addicting and taking too much will lead to a cognitive decline, thats pretty much certain. You sniff this stuff everyday for a while you will be manic and retarded.
People praising this stuff online are somewhere in this state more or less, I realized that when I started taking it too often.

I would try the MXE once a week and not combine it with too much, the amphetamines seem to counterproductive when depressed.

and maybe some ritalin or 2-FA but it INCREASE MASSIVELY my depression, and this feeling that I can't speak, (like I'm in jail in my body)

Thats normal because amphetamines will spend neurotransmitters and downregulate receptors, when you are prone for depression this sends you on an emotional rollercoster ride.
Also SJW is a MAOI which increases the effects of the amphetamines, its not the healthiest thing to do.

Edited by machete234, 17 November 2013 - 05:22 PM.