I met a girl past year, well, I didn't actually met her, I've already known her my whole life but we were never close. Eventually, after many talks we got (love)feelings for each other, but because her parents are conservatieve and she and I are quite te opposite (which they know of me and a part of the reason why they will not accept me as her boyfriend and also because they already codemned me because of being schizophrenic) we never had the chance to meet face to face and she lives from a quite distance from me. Also, it seems clear to me that she suffers from (severe) anxiety, anxiety that she would be rejected by her family if she hooks up with me, anxiety of falling in real love and therefore anxiety of not wanting to change herself and her "world" perspectieve. I've noticed that because of her anxiety she handles her feelings for me the wrong way what eventually causes her to get "hysterical" in her mind and then she finds comfort in rejecting me, my feelings and her own feelings for me and hooks up with friends from whom she knows are in love with her but she knows she does not have feelings for them other than friendship (believe it or not, I'm just paranoid and hallucinate sometimes but in this case, she is crazier than me ). So, couple of weeks ago we had a fight because of this and I broke up contact with her for the time being so she could think if she wants to move forward with me and I could think if I still want something with her. (When she told me this, I noticed she handles and makes wrong decisions out of her anxiety which I recognized and for me that's not a valid reason to break up, at least, not yet.)
Anyway, the thing I'm working to is what happened past week and weekend, because of our unfortunate break-up we kinda "stalked" each other on the social media without communicating for real, she told me weeks ago she would visit a city near to me and she left a message past weekend on the social media which was "addressed" to me that she accepted me as her love (it's not my paranoia talking, I know 100% it was a message for me) but because I still needed time and already told her I was not going to persuit her to that city I just ignored the message (I guess it's a girl thing to give love messages this way instead of being straight up). However, when she arrived to the city and left a message on the social media that she was in that city I started to become extreme paranoid for some reason and started to hallucinate, out of all the crazyness (voices) that was going on in my head I wished her a nice stay in that city, also, with the thought to give her the feeling that I wasn't angry anymore because of the conflict we had. The thing that bothers me about this story is that I experienced the hallucinations and after my message that it all felt for me as if I was in straight "telephatic" contact with her the whole weekend because of the mutual feelings of love (yesterday I got so scared of love feelings and with the idea that we could read each others mind I upped all of my medication and today I laid in bed the whole day, straight up sick of that experience). For some reason I know (because next day she deleted her message on the social media and didn't give any updates anymore) and/or have the feeling that she left the city disappointed that I wasn't coming.
I don't know what happened in reality and/or what went through her mind (in reality) and/or if she really left the city (I'm 50% sure she did left) but I'm scared to contact her and ask about what she experienced and/or how her city trip was, well, I'm actually scared to hear that she left the city and I get some sort of a confirmation this "telepathic" shit really happened..
Any thoughts? Or, any thoughts about (mutual) love/feelings and the way it affects our brains and thoughts processes? (I need to get some sort of comfort that what I know/experienced is quite normal/rational when you have feelings for someone because I know her well enough to assume she left and/or I need some sort of comfort that telephaty isn't possible, even in a real love relationship/situation).