I’m hoping you guys can point me in the right direction if I give you enough information. Sorry about the wall of text in advance.
50 years of age. Male. Smoker. Cognitive decline began at approximately 35.
Always prone to depression. Sometimes for good reason but more often than not it’s for no good reason. But I have had bouts before that where it’s simply because. In other words no rational reason to be depressed. I have invasive thoughts, suicidal etc etc. on a regular basis.
On the cognitive side I used to be able to make the connections and find solutions to problems that have made people go “woah”. I was the kid in school that pissed the teachers off because I could study and pull 100% on tests after screwing around all year. Now I can’t concentrate for more than 10 minutes at a time. And short term memory is poor.
2 or 3 hits on marijuana (I haven’t smoked it in 5 years) typically turns me into a giggling idiot or just plain sleepy.
Any SSRI’s I have tried for depression or stress turn me into a Zombie and I have typically gotten rid of them after a few days. Not just emotionally but basically my brain running at half speed. They also make my joints ache (after a couple of weeks trying to quit smoking using a very low dose of chantex/welbutrin). I haven’t used an SSRI in 5 years.
I have been reading the forums here for years and trying nootropics trying to find a solution to depression because I assumed my cognitive decline was linked to stress and depression.
Most Nootropics seem to have little to no effect on me.
Modifinal was pretty great for me the first few times I used it. After a few days the effect was it just kept me awake. An improvement in focus and alertness but after week nothing.
Wakalert makes me all sorts of jittery but I liked the mood enhancement but my affect is noticeable to those around me.
Adrafinal also allows me to get through the day without feeling sleepy and it is my current preference because I can order it in the USA. However the effects are almost zero at this point.
I think I had a major clue Saturday. I tried MDMA for the first time in my life.
I took it at 8PM Saturday.
A friend gave it to me and he assured me it was good as he and his girlfriend used some from the same batch.
It had no effect on me except when I closed my eyes to go asleep at 12 PM. There was a rush of colored patters, geometric shapes etc. I couldn’t sleep so watched another movie until 2.00AM and was able to sleep about 2.30AM
I hadn’t experienced those geometric shapes, patterns etc. since I was a kid and that is what I typically saw whilst trying to get to sleep. Other than that nothing. None of the heightened emotional or physical touchy feely etc. My friend and I are about the same weight. I hadn’t touched any Adrafinal 4 days prior to this. I took Aniracetam on Thursday with L-Theanine . I took L-Theanine Friday. Saturday only MDMA
The reason I took MDMA is to see if it would jump start some new connections in my brain the same way as LSD will. I have never tried LSD btw.
I am leaning towards low Serotonin levels. Thoughts?