What medications are you on now, if any, and what recreational drugs are you on, if any?
I ask because your symptoms actually do sound like a psychiatric disorder. But medications and recreational drugs can have psychiatric side effects which mimic a psychiatric illness. I think a visit with a really good Doctor is in order here because it sounds like you are way past the DIY stage. IMO you need a very above average pdoc to help you figure this out.
Regarding psychosis, judge for yourself. Below I've posted the general characteristics of psychosis from the DSM-V. If you had a disorder that involved psychosis then your reality testing would be impaired and you might attribute your symptoms to "the book", when it could just be you have schizoaffective disorder. Or the lack of a coherent self structure might indicate Borderline Personality Disorder. There are a million possibilities. Please go see a pro. Pay cash out of pocket if you have to just so you can have an expert opinion.
I hope I've included enough mights, maybes, and coulds. Because I could be completely wrong. That's why I think a really good professional opinion is called for..
Warning wall of Text:
Key Features That Define the Psychotic Disorders
Delusions
Delusions are fixed beliefs that are not amenable to change in light of conflicting evidence.
Their content may include a variety of themes (e.g., persecutory, referential, somatic, religious,
grandiose). Persecutory delusions (i.e., belief that one is going to be harmed, harassed,
and so forth by an individual, organization, or other group) are most common. Referential
delusions (i.e., belief that certain gestures, comments, environmental cues, and so forth are
directed at oneself) are also common. Grandiose delusions (i.e., when an individual believes
that he or she has exceptional abilities, wealth, or fame) and érotomanie delusions (i.e., when
an individual believes falsely that another person is in love with him or her) are also seen.
Nihilistic delusions involve the conviction that a major catastrophe will occur, and somatic
delusions focus on preoccupations regarding health and organ function.
Delusions are deemed bizarre if they are clearly implausible and not understandable to
same-culture peers and do not derive from ordinary life experiences. An example of a bizarre
delusion is the belief that an outside force has removed his or her internal organs and
replaced them with someone else's organs without leaving any wounds or scars. An example
of a nonbizarre delusion is the belief that one is under surveillance by the police, despite
a lack of convincing evidence. Delusions that express a loss of control over mind or
body are generally considered to be bizarre; these include the belief that one's thoughts
have been "removed" by some outside force {thought withdrawal), that alien thoughts have
been put into one's mind (thought insertion), or that one's body or actions are being acted on
or manipulated by some outside force (delusions of control). The distinction between a delusion
and a strongly held idea is sometimes difficult to make and depends in part on the
degree of conviction with which the belief is held despite clear or reasonable contradictory
evidence regarding its veracity.
Hallucinations
Hallucinations are perception-like experiences that occur without an external stimulus.
They are vivid and clear, with the full force and impact of normal perceptions, and not
under voluntary control. They may occur in any sensory modality, but auditory hallucinations
are the most common in schizophrenia and related disorders. Auditory hallucinations
are usually experienced as voices, whether familiar or unfamiliar, that are perceived
as distinct from the individual's own thoughts. The hallucinations must occur in the context
of a clear sensorium; those that occur while falling asleep (hypnagogic) or waking up
(hypnopompic) are considered to be within the range of normal experience. Hallucinations
may be a normal part of religious experience in certain cultural contexts.
Disorganized Thinking (Speech)
Disorganized thinking (formal thought disorder) is typically inferred from the individual's
speech. The individual may switch from one topic to another {derailment or loose associations).
Answers to questions may be obliquely related or completely unrelated (tangentiality).
Rarely, speech may be so severely disorganized that it is nearly incomprehensible and
resembles receptive aphasia in its linguistic disorganization {incoherence or "word salad").
Because mildly disorganized speech is common and nonspecific, the symptom must be severe
enough to substantially impair effective communication. The severity of the impairment
may be difficult to evaluate if the person making the diagnosis comes from a
different linguistic background than that of the person being examined. Less severe disorganized
thinking or speech may occur during the prodromal and residual periods of
schizophrenia.
Grossly Disorganized or Abnormai Miotor Behavior
(inciuding Catatonia)
Grossly disorganized or abnormal motor behavior may manifest itself in a variety of ways,
ranging from childlike "silliness" to unpredictable agitation. Problems may be noted in
any form of goal-directed behavior, leading to difficulties in performing activities of daily
living.
Catatonic behavior is a marked decrease in reactivity to the environment. This ranges
from resistance to instructions {negativism); to maintaining a rigid, inappropriate or bizarre
posture; to a complete lack of verbal and motor responses {mutism and stupor). It can
also include purposeless and excessive motor activity without obvious cause {catatonic
excitement). Other features are repeated stereotyped movements, staring, grimacing,
mutism, and the echoing of speech. Although catatonia has historically been associated
with schizophrenia, catatonic symptoms are nonspecific and may occur in other mental
disorders (e.g., bipolar or depressive disorders with catatonia) and in medical conditions
(catatonic disorder due to another medical condition).
Negative Symptoms
Negative symptoms account for a substantial portion of the morbidity associated with
schizophrenia but are less prominent in other psychotic disorders. Two negative symptoms
are particularly prominent in schizophrenia: diminished emotional expression and
avolition. Diminished emotional expression includes reductions in the expression of emotions
in the face, eye contact, intonation of speech (prosody), and movements of the hand,
head, and face that normally give an emotional emphasis to speech. Avolition is a decrease
in motivated self-initiated purposeful activities. The individual may sit for long periods of
time and show little interest in participating in work or social activities. Other negative
symptoms include alogia, anhedonia, and asociality. Alogia is manifested by diminished
speech output. Anhedonia is the decreased ability to experience pleasure from positive
stimuli or a degradation in the recollection of pleasure previously experienced. Asociality
refers to the apparent lack of interest in social interactions and may be associated with avolition,
but it can also be a manifestation of limited opportunities for social interactions.
