So first I want to mention that English is not my native language and I'm currently in a terrible cognitive state so if something is unclear I'm sorry, I tried to write as accurately as possible.
So a bit of background, I am 18, I've been dealing with depression, social isolation, anxiety for almost a decade and that also resulted in suicidality and derealization, I've taken numerous of medications and been to therapy for years, I won't get too much into it but as the years went on, especially in the last few years, I felt as though my "Internal Monologue" (Inner voice, Internal dialogue, how ever you want to call it) has been shutting down and fading away gradually until I realised I have close to zero self reflection or insight, constant blank mind, no accessible thought process as if my thoughts are quiet and buried inside my head and when I talk there is no conscious planning ahead, reading text doesn't pop random references anymore, I can't analyze whats going on around me in a conscious way, time feels like it's passing too fast, I take my eyes away from the clock and already 2 minutes passed, I cant process information properly, I often find that words come out of my mouth, without me cognitively thinking about it, almost as a reflex.
My question is, can anyone relate to this? did anyone experience such thing and recovered from it? if you did then how?
Now when I say "Inner voice" I'm not talking about the typical voice hallucination stereotype, I'm taking about that healthy relationship with ourselves, how we see ourselves, the critical voice, the analytical voice, the sense of direction in life and decisiveness, the flow of conscious thoughts, the sense of self pretty much, even the negative, anxious and the judging ones.
And please don't say "How did you manage to write this if you lack a thought process etc etc, It's more complicated than that.
Thank you for reading this, please help me if you can.
