4 replies to this topic

[addx]

For the past few weeks I have been taking a relatively steady dosage of Memantine (10mg as I wake up plus 5mg in the afternoon usually) and Caffetine pills (usually one in the morning). Caffetine pills are an over-the-counter painkiller best for headaches.

I have been experimenting with various pills and drugs for a couple of years but nothing has ever made me feel this normal and good. I have suspected that opioids might do this but I never tried anything with opioids in it and this was in fact by accident, I found out today that the pills had some codein content to them. I knew they had paracetamol and coffeine and since their name I thought that was it, but theres codein in them as well.

Memantine I have taken on and off for the past few years in various dosages. I've never really felt any bad sideffects from it, I appreciate this pill. These pills always bring the same to me. Muscle readyness increases (listed as hypertonia sideeffect), obsessions and procrastinations reduce, even my sexual fetishes disappear, but sex is more intimate and I am able to have comfortable intimate eye contact and enjoy sex visuals, which I normally have issues with. Memantine makes me aware of my surroundings and makes them crisp, "edge enhanced" rather than me being absent and "in my head" unable to experience the present. Memantine also makes me responsive to music and somehow more athletic and coordinated. It makes being drunk great, no loss of coordination or nausea but very cheerful and good mood. NMDA partial antagonism seems to nicely cut out all "pathological activity" which in my case seem to be obsessions and fetishes, I don't seem to care much about them, but I don't feel careless in general, it doesnt make me into an idiot (well for the few days titrating in memantine i did feel a bit silly, but that went away)

I am also able to enjoy things like great views, nature, anything. Memantine makes visuals and sounds crisps, it makes you see/be aware of all cars on the road somehow simultaneously and you can easily focus around, do mutiple tasks simultaneously.

But the caffetine pills: Im guessing the codeine did something entirely different. I feel like it activated a part of my brain, a part that provides temporal ego-perspective awareness. I am now not infested with constant urgency, impatience or anxiety. I am content with experiencing the experiences as they come. I do not corner myself with obligations procrastinating everything, I feel happy when I have some free time to do my obligations. I feel I now have a larger perspective, I feel like being a part of this world, being same as others, trying my best to do well. I do not have fight or flight reactions about things I say or when Im put at the spotlight. I feel at ease communicating with people and I feel more connected to them and able to empathise with them. I do not feel or behave narcissistic at all, I do not feel alone and different or special or better or worse than others. I feel relieved to be able to enjoy life in a normal way and relate to people. I feel true happiness to see people Im close with. I am able to connect with children and enjoy their company. I am able to make comfortable eye contact with people, I infact enjoy it, it feels like such a relief to be able to look at people so comfortably, laugh with them, listen to them and look at them.

The "ego-time-persepective" is like an awareness of yourself in life through time as some kind of continuity and a an awareness of the future as time that will come and at certain points I will have decisions to make, at certain points work, at certain points have fun. Id have issues with impatience and urgency often being focused at some important problem or even a positive event that will happen, I had issues focusing on the present or enjoying anything, Id always want to dissappear or somehow fastforward life. I could not appreciate time, but now I can, I enjoy the moments I have until the more troublesome moments arrive or I take care of obligations in a focused way even though Im awaiting some positive moment.



In my "experimentfull" life I have ONLY felt like that regularly for 30 seconds after orgasms during a relatively long period of my life(not for the past 5-6 years or during puberty, but I remember this "awareness" rising and fading out quickly very distintcly from a time when I had no interest in neurology/psychology/pharmacology). As I orgasm a rush of such ego-time-pespective would appear in my head, as if everything suddenly made sense, I knew who I was and had purpose and life made sense but would fade very soon. Since I have not taken any opioids prior to this I have guessed that opioids would provide exactly that as orgasm releases endorphins, endogenous opioids. And I have confirmed this now by accident it seems.

Unfortunately Im aware that opioids are the most addictive and dangerous drug to take. I am not worried about the small amount in the caffetine pill, but since they contain paracetamol, I cant take them regularly as theyll probably bust an ulcer in my stomach, so I have to change that. I am quite happy with the effects of the small amount but I wonder will tolerance develop? Luckily Memantine is known to reduce tolerance development but AFAIK not arrest it, but I wonder if maybe it will keep such a small amount of codeine effective as it is indefinitely? I do not seem to have developed tolerance and still take only one caffetine a day, sometimes I even forgot, but I have detected its distinct effect is to produce the calmness and perspective while Memantine effects seem to add nicely to this with NMDA partial antagonism(pathological activity removal) and D2 agonism(sense crispness and muscle coordination crispness).

Anyway, this combo is making me feel great in a non-manic, non-drugged way. I perform better, more efficient at work, my memory is working quite nice, I do not get fight or flight reactions except when in really hard situations, my bowels work well, IBS symptoms greatly reduced or gone, I can tolerate booze, I can tolerate smoking weed, I sleep well midnight to 7:30 no problems, I wake up well, sex is great. I have developed a need to do sports (instead of sit on the couch or PC) so buying a bicycle for now, I engage social events more (I usually avoid and feel drained by them) and it's making my life better, more meaningful, more connected with the world.

There's my life story somewhere among my first posts if anyone is interested what exactly I have fixed. I have tried many many common and exotic drugs and have taken various pill combos and know many many different mind states even out of body experiences, but this combo, this is the most normal and properly equipped to process life I have felt. The improvement in me is evident even from the lack of activity in the forum as it ususaly represents obsessions and/or my horrible procrastination or distracting myself from issues.

I'm not sure what I want with this post, some comments or advice? What to do? How to replace the caffetine pills? Do you think it can last? How to make it last? Will I become an addict? Is it reasonable? Why yes, why not? Anyone doing anything similar? Any articles or ideas related? I do visit a psychiatrist regularly, from whom I've gotten the prescription for Memantine, I am honest with her about my "self-medicating", but I'm not sure what to do with this "revelation". I can't really ask to be put on an "opioid therapy" now can I? Although buprenorphine seems quite inviting since it's a kappa opioid antagonist and I have in fact joined this forum initially to participate in a JDTic group buy, a selective kappa opioid antagonist. But then again this will make me into an addict, as buprenoprhine seems infamous for being very hard to quit. If it doesn't do what I expect it to I'll become an addict for nothing...So, not sure what now...

Edited by addx, 13 September 2014 - 07:21 PM.

[addx]

This is what I'm aiming at

http://www.ncbi.nlm....pubmed/20438240
 

The neurobiology of borderline personality disorder (BPD) remains unclear. Dysfunctions of several neurobiological systems, including serotoninergic, dopaminergic, and other neurotransmitter systems, have been discussed. Here we present a theory that alterations in the sensitivity of opioid receptors or the availability of endogenous opioids constitute part of the underlying pathophysiology of BPD. The alarming symptoms and self-destructive behaviors of the affected patients may be explained by uncontrollable and unconscious attempts to stimulate their endogenous opioid system (EOS) and the dopaminergic reward system, regardless of the possible harmful consequences. Neurobiological findings that support this hypothesis are reviewed: Frantic efforts to avoid abandonment, frequent and risky sexual contacts, and attention-seeking behavior may be explained by attempts to make use of the rewarding effects of human attachment mediated by the EOS. Anhedonia and feelings of emptiness may be an expression of reduced activity of the EOS. Patients with BPD tend to abuse substances that target mu-opioid receptors. Self-injury, food restriction, aggressive behavior, and sensation seeking may be interpreted as desperate attempts to artificially set the body to survival mode in order to mobilize the last reserves of the EOS. BPD-associated symptoms, such as substance abuse, anorexia, self-injury, depersonalization, and sexual overstimulation, can be treated successfully with opioid receptor antagonists. An understanding of the neurobiology of BPD may help in developing new treatments for patients with this severe disorder.

I have only never engaged in self-injury, except sometimes during aggressive outbursts where's I'd hurt my fist against something hard or my foot, but I have engaged in all other activities since childhood. The only time I felt this "sense of self" is as said, after orgasm. And I masturbated a lot I display thought patterns of both BPD and NPD, it seems I've developed a good enough defense mechanism to relatively succeed in life but I in fact wallow in isolation most of the time and hide my bad habits and social avoidance, keeping people segregated from each other and so on and so on.... And I've now felt normal and unlike that for the past few weeks, I want that to last..I want to "have" and to "see" myself..and I'm now scared that this would require a highly risky and controversial therapy... it kinda makes me both happy but also hopeless at the same time..


http://www.ncbi.nlm....les/PMC3811092/

Recent psychopharmacological research in BPD has involved neuropeptides such as opioids and oxytocin, which modulate broadly-distributed neural networks associated with coordinating complex behavior. Other relevant neuropeptides include vasopressin and neuropeptide Y. Recent neurobiological research has suggested endogenous opioid modulation as a potential avenue for treatment of BPD.115-116 Endogenous opioid signaling is involved in consummatory reward processing, pain modulation, social affiliation,117 rejection sensitivity, and maternal-infant attachment,118-119 which may have implications for impulsivity, self-injurious behavior, and interpersonal dysfunction in BPD. Dysregulated opioid signaling is also associated with affective instability in BPD

http://ajp.psychiatr...rticleid=102410

The findings of Prossin and colleagues have both broad and specific clinical implications. Broadly, they lend support to a model of an opioid deficit in borderline personality disorder that may be "hard wired" (consistent with the high heritability of borderline personality disorder). This view could provide a heuristic model to help patients and clinicians understand the social disruption in borderline personality disorder. The satisfaction that normally accompanies closeness to other people both in early attachment and throughout life may elude patients with borderline personality disorder. If these individuals do not have sufficient endogenous opioids, then the continual craving for relationships and heightened reaction to their loss is understandable. Such a model could provide a better understanding and improve management of disappointment in relationships for patients. It might also destigmatize the disorder; the difficulty in forming a therapeutic alliance, for example, could be reconstrued as the result of an opioid deficit. Furthermore, it provides support for targeting the μ-opioid receptor as a novel molecular target for pharmacotherapy in borderline personality disorder.

http://www.hindawi.c...rn/2013/674534/

A range of psychiatric conditions associated with low stress tolerability and emotion dysregulation were consistently shown to be characterized by insufficiency of endogenous -opioid activation. Bolderline personality disorder is considered now as a condition associated with dysregulation of the endogenous opioid system [97, 98]. This psychiatric disorder prevails in females and is characterized by affective burst-outs and impulsive behaviors, aggression, self-harm, and low stress tolerability. In the study of Bandelow and colleagues [97], patients with borderline personality disorder demonstrated significantly greater -opioid binding potential in the orbitofrontal cortex, caudate nuclei, left nucleus accumbens, and left amygdale at resting-state in comparison with controls. The insufficient baseline activation of -opioid system in borderline personality disorder patients paralleled with greater negative scores during sadness induction in comparison with controls.

In contrast to hypoactivity of -opioid system at baseline, induced sadness was associated with greater endogenous opioid system activation in the pregenual anterior cingulated cortex, left orbitofrontal cortex, left ventral pallidum, left amygdale, and left inferior temporal cortex in borderline personality disorder patients in comparison with normal controls [98]. At the same time, significantly greater deactivation of opioid neurotransmission in the left nucleus accumbens and the right hippocampus/parahippocampus during sadness condition was observed in borderline personality disorder patients in comparison with controls in the same study.

Bandelow and colleagues [97] suggested that self-destructive behaviors of borderline personality disorder patients may be explained by unconscious attempts to stimulate their endogenous opioid system regardless of the possible harmful consequences. In accordance with this suggestion, Stanley et al. [99] found low levels of -endorphin and met-enkephalin in cerebrospinal fluid in patients with episodes of non-suicidal self-injurious behavior in comparison with psychiatric patients without history of self-injuries. Although all patients in this study had a history of at least one suicide attempt, patients with nonsuicidal self-injurious behavior reported significantly higher levels of depression and hopelessness in comparison with controls.

Edited by addx, 13 September 2014 - 08:46 PM.

[medievil]

I've had exactly the same experience with codeine when I took it straight after a week of tramadol, they only worked for a week, also normally I'm immune to opiates but they suddenly seemed to activate something that was missing from me, a new sort of patience with would make working towards long term goals possible etc.

Either way you can take codeine long term with memantine without problem mate, it will prevent tolerance from occuring.

[addx]

I've had exactly the same experience with codeine when I took it straight after a week of tramadol, they only worked for a week, also normally I'm immune to opiates but they suddenly seemed to activate something that was missing from me, a new sort of patience with would make working towards long term goals possible etc.

Either way you can take codeine long term with memantine without problem mate, it will prevent tolerance from occuring.

What about the paracetamol? That will probably bust my liver? There's no other OTC codeine supplement here to the best of my knowledge.

The amount of codein phosphate in the pill is 10 mg. And it is quite enough, I could probably do with less even.

Bolded part in your post - exactly. And I have to STRESS the importance of this. What I think we both felt is "ego"(from the Freudian id-ego-superego) and I think it comes from vmPFC function finally getting enough "strength"(felt as increased ego-perspective awareness) to inhibit the amygdala properly. This is the part of the brain aimed at by meditation, buddhism. I think it is paramount to forming all "socially paranoid" personality disorders like NPD, BPD and AvPD.

medievil, I have read many of your texts across a variety of forums, I would seriously like to "join forces" at least to some extent



I have been mostly focused on opioids in my research and I joined this forum to participate in a JDTic group by. The topic that sums a proposed model for opioids is in this thread http://www.longecity...tionwithdrawal/ with many quoted studies.

I have since connected opioids and other networks to their evolutionary roles which profoundly explains all their functions and predicts them coherently. It profoundly explains life, not just opioids.. the model of evolution is wrong at some points, I have evolved it further to be more correct but the gist is there.

http://www.longecity...volution/page-3

If that sounds interesting I'd love to discuss it with you, if not, keep writing your own stuff, I like that as well

The most interesting thing about opioids is that they are the prime modulators of neuron stem cell proliferation(mu opioid - growth/investement) and differentiation(kappa opioid - use/learning by mistakes/"scarring with experience") meaning their effects governs nervous system development to maturity and beyond. Opioids are "leaked" in response to relevant events and so experience controls how the nervous system grows and this process is goverened by opioids! As is muscle growth(endorphins leaked during excercise-hunt prepare muscle cells for proliferation, other factors must match, insulin(in insects I think) or IGF(in humans) rising from consuming prey/food after hunt etc) and skin quality. Brain - muscle and skin - 3 systems most exposed or used in experiencing or controlling reality - this is so since the evolutionary birth of the nervous system where it connected the outer surface of the skin with the central ganglion. Having a dysregulated opioidergic system will cause nervous system development to go awry. And all this is underresearched because of the taboo status of opioids for anything other than analgesia. Opioids govern body adjustemnt(brain/muscle/skin) to experienced conditions (this means they govern tolerance) and they do so in dual fashion - mu opioid is "love of life"(approach) axis and kappa opioid is "fear of death"(avoid) axis.

Edited by addx, 14 September 2014 - 04:53 PM.

[medievil]

My friend you are the first person I met that had that same effect of opiates fixing patience, the thing you put in bold

pm me your Skype or facebook, I'm very interested in your response from opiates, I'm a harder case as its nearly impossible to get opiates working in the first place and only 2 weeks of my life I had the response you ALLWAYS get off codeine.

you seem to know more about opiates then me, so yes we are gonna join forces, contact me my friend