I Choose forever as I do not adhere to nor accept the pact of death, though the fear of it grips me and tears me up inside, reducing me to a quivering mess... why does death exist, surely it should be optional, perhaps it is, perhaps if I simply conciously choose not to die, I won't die... the evidence heavily weighs against this, but then again perhaps such evidence is presented to those with thier eyes closed... my eyes are wide, wide open, I am a concious observer, and I do not wish to cease existing ever... also I do not want those who feel the same to stop existing, I wish there was a way to bring all those people together in one positive and utopian society where we could live at one with nature and one another eternally, much like the elves in (norse originally) mythology... that would be the ideal life which my soul (and I'm sure many other souls truely) yearns for
But in this world we are surrounded by negativity and death every day, we can't help but feel this way, brainwashed by media into a certain mindset, leading to either depression or oblivious ignorance... why must it be like this? why is it like this? why can we not wake these people up, it may be idealistic, but when you really think of oblivion and eternity it will boggle, confuse and scare you, and then you will see in that moment how silly anything other than a utopian society is. Why live in pain with wars, accepting death, destruction and negativity? Breed live, positivity and spread this to all conscious beings...
At the end of it all we are all social beings and I for one have been cut off from society, I have no people with whom to discuss this, and have been brainwashed to be embarrassed about discussing it, I have no kindered spirits, which my heart also yearns for (feels like a void inside), and my mind has become unfocused as of late, but I fight to keep it and lethargy at bay, though at times it seems pointless, and I have fallen disgracefully into sloth, from which I am now arising and fighting out of.... I had actually come to a point where it was too uncomfortable to be conscious and so I consciously choose to be unconscious, just get on with things i.e. ignorance.
But now I see how wrong this attitude is, and what I have always known, comfotable life=death, I cannot live like that, in denile I must confront and seek the truth, seek life, no matter how uncomfortable it may be. And for me it is very uncomfortable, as I have been conditioned by popular culture, TV etc... so I find it difficuly socializing and get nervous (shakes) around other people, even my own parents which is frankly confusing, even when I realise and embrace oblivion I cannot seem to get rid of this, so I am in for a long battle it seems to cure myself of these ills... another thing which troubles me is my breathing, my lungs often feel heavy and there is a void like feeling in my solar plexus (middle of my chest) sometimes when I'm exerted I get a pin like feeling in my lungs and heat... often I just get a very heavy feeling though...
I suppose we all require help, and I'd like to help others who could maybe help me, that would be ideal, perhaps one day we shall sort our world and ourselves out, that day could be today...
It is really sad that due to the type of society we live under, people such as myself are outcast and people become detatched and commit suicide... I myself would never, ever commit suicide,no matter what happened, because I do not wish to cease existing, I love life even though it is flawed, I love observing, I love and need to love people, like my parents, my family (I have no "friends" unfortunatly as aforementioned, hence being conditioned i guess i feel rejected, though I should not feel this way)... Jesus tryed to spread the message about love- everyone needs love and to be loved. Not love as we think of it the cut-off type of love, but true love, brotherly love... it is truely sad to see the state that people have got themselves and the world into, I would really like to liberate them, but sadly being cut off I do not know where/ how to start this.. but in my heart it is the one achievement I know I must achieve somehow, and words in themselves are self defeating and limiting, but I hope you get the jist of what I am attempting to express... I just needed to get these things out and in the open somewhere, and they have come out in this response... perhaps they will have impact on you, you may think its simply regurgitated material, perhaps you will not read it, but It is how I feel (a limiting word, which is not the most appropriate to use perhaps, as feel indicates touch, which is associated with comfort, brainwashed consistantly and constantly to us, we must try to avoid this at all costs), and I exist
I could go on but I think I've said enough (though I could say much much more)
I am consciousness, observence, preservance... not just ideas,
I AM
Edited by JamesMGallagher, 24 April 2008 - 11:26 PM.