First, thanks for reading, this story is messed up and unfortunately my life. I have seen 50 doctors, paid Harley Street, seen 10 Psychologists, an Endocrinologist with 1 x 2 A4 pages of bloods three months apart. MRI. CT scan. Tried Olanzapine 20/30mg over 8 months, Quetiapine (hate that drug) 2 months at 800mg, Benzo's at 30mg, Clonazepam 5mg, Zopiclones 3 x 7.5 + more I am sure. Currently just on Lithium for 3 months at 0.9.
Story: I'll keep this as brief as I can but details will be provided if asked, just don't want to bore. (i'll mention important dates)
Previous - Depression - This goes from 4/10 to now 10/10, don't even have thoughts, blank. emotionless. (By August 5/10 so not terrible)
Febuary 2016: Starts with chest hair falling out, shrinkage of my male parts (both). Before this I noticed my eyes at night are scary big.
Week later: Can't sleep so spend 24 hours without sleep, continue next day as normal, but do find it weird as I am not tired.
March: Get Olanzapine 20mg as I say to my doctor am I bipolar? this med I took and went to 30mg somewhere along the line till near Christmas.
He also arranges a Psychologist meeting (i'll no mention every one) anyway it comes back with them saying I don't have bipolar, (there were 2 as they called me back for a 2.5 hour meeting with two people)
April: Been to doctors 3 times, sleep getting worse, no anxiety towards it, it's just not happening, try Melatonin. Also every night I don't sleep I go to the gym once it hits 2am. Still don't get tired with a day sleep missed
June: Unable to drive, not getting enough sleep, although I am not tired my reactions aren't great, life by now is impossible.t Confused and looking everywhere for what this might be.
August: WIRED MODE STARTS - this wired mode comes out.. my eyes are nearly always big (get asked what drugs I am on out with my mates a lot. Feel like I am on speed x100. This is still till here till this day but 10x worse. The more wired I am the more my downstairs shrinks to the point if I am way high it hurts...
My mood while wired which is constantly just sometimes a 5/100 sometimes a 120/100 but I have low mood, doesn't make me feel good.
October: Fatigue starting after being wired so long, sleeping 1 days a week. Start getting shakes
November: OVERDOSE. Went 4 times to A&E after getting banned from sleeping tablets and benzo's with my doctor surgery in London thinking I was just abusing drugs as by that time I was there every week begging. A&E refuse and my doctors, so i keep going to A&E to show them how bad it is as no one is listening and been to Harley Street and god knows what by then. by day 9 I tried to drown myself in tablets. Day 9 was just unbearable, if it happened again, I'd try a different way, but i am sure i'd try something, you have no idea how extreme it is. Oh and didn't sleep that night in A&E = DAY 10. Where did I go wrong?
December to July: These months have flown by, not sleeping so much and so elevated days are hard to remember. I still am coherent and everything, just like as i said on SPEED ALL THE TIME (i'm not on any illegal drugs AT ALL). Apart from December being in bed sick for 4 weeks unable to move as the OD had been so bad on my insides, the wired soon picked up, I moved back to my mothers, she did the whole sleep routine thing, so I just stayed in the kitchen at night, was averaging 4 days without feeling tired, this contained on Quietapine apart from a brief week or two. The wired was always coming through but I got to sleep most nights or every other which for me is a god send but as i said the state of WIRED stayed. I hated that drug so after 2 months many increases I was glad we put it to bed. Then I have been on Lithium 3 months at 0.9 higher than my doctor usually goes. FELT NOTHING. Memory is now gone on vacation, not sure i'll see that again, new symptoms all the time, fatigue, disorientated, but mainly wired like I am on E's and dropped 30 and my head is about to explode but instead of a high just imagine rolling over broken glass. One weird thing, Sudafed for Sinusitis got me so high and I could feel that high that I hallucinated, this is interesting because before this 'thing' I use to take Pseudoephedrine (Sudafed) just fine.
So yeah. I have banged every door, my Psychologist says he can see some hypo mania but says the WIRED, Shrinkage, Pupils and 'coming up' feeling are not right. The thing is, it's either ALL one thing or it's not.
Also no bi polar medication is touching this like not even a little, I am very aware of anxiety, this would be like 50 peoples anxieties if you want to blame that, it's so hard to sedate me. Ketamine anyone? I kid, if my vision gets any worse... well. Lithium may as well be sugar and so is everything. I did not go to bed last night, won't tonight and have to hope my body crashes soon, 2 sometimes 3 times a month for 1 day and then it's back to being ELEVATED and my pupils are crazy.
Btw I know this sounds made up, ring Northwick Park Hospital and they will confirm it, I know my doctor did. I am honestly loosing the will, it's not the depression, it's the fact things get worse daily, for instance now I have ghosting when I walk past my door (the light around the door frame), probably because my eyes are bigger than an OWL. It's been 1.8 years there is only so much a man can take.
I really just want to know what should I do?
My ideas: Nervous system - see a Neurologist? - Currently seeing an Endocrinologist still, least he is honest and says he doesn't know.
Ps I wrote this on one day no sleep and wired off my tree... i'll come back and fix bits up after a break
Edited by CK1, 12 July 2017 - 10:55 PM.