160 replies to this topic

[guyledouche]

Getting a girlfriend seems so far beyond my reach that its not even funny. Im 23 and I dont even go on dates. In fact Ive never even been on a date before. Its not cause of looks either cause I look as good as your average guy.(people say I look just like Ross from friends) Could someone please tell me what the hell to do?

Edited by guyledouche, 18 April 2006 - 05:51 AM.

[brizzadizza]

Are you confident? How do you present yourself? Do you dress nicely and take care of yourself? When you talk to a woman do you clam up or do you feel you're representing yourself how you want to represent yourself? Where are you looking to meet women? What type of woman do you want to attract?

Those are all important questions you need to ask yourself. After that its just a matter of presenting yourself as self confident. In fact you can be almost stupendously ugly so long as you have confidence you're set. And you gotta have lines in the lake to catch a fish if you know what I mean. When you're dating don't be fixated on any one girl no matter how special you think she is. You're dating not in a relationship, so at that point juggle a few interests, get drinks with diane on thursday and go to a club with Jenny on saturday and most importantly let them know. That's your secret weapon, interested non-interest. If you're a smart guy like me you may come off as aggressive when you speak to people, that can be ok in certain situations but needs to be mitigated for awhile. The goal of a conversation is to converse, its to open dialogue and get the other member communicating. With that in mind don't do the shot-gun blast style questioning. The best way to know what interests the person you're with is to ask them. You can be funny and say something like "So what excites you? What gets your nipples hard?" and go from there, if being a goof isn't your thing just be direct, "I'd really like to know what you like to _____" Be sincere at that point and ask what you'd really like to know. Also, if you have some talent or another that you do well, keep quiet about it until later. All the interesting stuff you know and do is toppings on the sundae, the icecream is you appearing confident. And appearing is the key. Young women don't have the slightest idea what confidence is and mistake being a cocky jerk as confidence(its a generalization but only just barely.) So be a little bit of a jerk. You don't have to pick a fight but you do have to stand up for yourself. Silly ways that work stupendously are chiding them about small problems they have. I don't know why but if you can mock a beautiful woman's beauty she loves you. Do not agree constantly, they hate that. If you're on a date take a stand against her on something. Everyone loves a little verbal jousting. Just keep it kinda light but almost over the edge and you're set. I know they say politics and religion are two straight no-nos in a tense and awkward social situation but I've found them to be great ways to break the ice if your beliefs don't differ greatly. The conversation usually turns into a spirited debate followed by a great cooling down as we both realize how many ideas we have in common. Its amazing how well it works. The point though isn't to use politics or religion and start a fire by way of sparks, its to pick a topic that you feel confident discussing and find out her beliefs, her passions and while you're doing that to display a little more of your prowess. If you think you feel a vibe GO FOR IT!!! You have nothing to lose at that point and everything to gain. So what if she rebukes a kiss, you've got plenty more girls who are interested in you. After that things take their course, and once you've slept with a girl a relationship is nearly imminent. I've only met a few women who sleep with guys and then have no interest in them by way of a relationship. The girls I know who pretend they don't care about a guy they just slept with tend to be greatly exagerating their disconnection to their sexuality. Anyway at some point all this confidence translates into a greater capacity for just hanging out with women which will translate into you finding one that you think is worthwhile and she hopefully seeing you in the same light. But confidence sells you. In fact the three most important words regarding dating are confidence, confidence, confidence. Did you get that? Thats all for now.
Brandon

Oh man I should write a book on this. There is no greater job for testing your "game" than bouncing, maybe bartending. And you get such a confidence boost from it.

Edited by brizzadizza, 18 April 2006 - 07:44 AM.

[Shepard]

www.tuckermax.com

I don't recommend that style if you're looking for a real relationship. However, it really does work for the younger crowd (18-20/21) almost 100% of the time. There isn't much to it for this other than just being there. For a more relationship type situation, grooming/exercise/style all come into play.

I'm not sure bartending is a great way to really test your "game". In my experience, the girls at the bar are either drunk or obnoxiously flirting with the bartender to get free drinks.

Also, I've read some reviews of The Game: Penetrating the Secret Society of Pickup Artists, and everyone says it's good stuff.

[FunkOdyssey]

Alot of great advice here. I particularly agree with this, especially for someone inexperienced:

And you gotta have lines in the lake to catch a fish if you know what I mean. When you're dating don't be fixated on any one girl no matter how special you think she is. You're dating not in a relationship, so at that point juggle a few interests, get drinks with diane on thursday and go to a club with Jenny on saturday and most importantly let them know. That's your secret weapon, interested non-interest.

You're going to betray your lack of experience if you fall head over heels for the first girl that shows any interest in you. Play the odds, spread yourself around, and when a girl returns some interest, force yourself to act like its no big deal and happens all the time. Thats the only way it really will happen all the time.

The guys on fastseduction.com have a rule that you are not ready for a real relationship until you've slept with at least ten women (from the point at which you begin taking this seriously). Not until you achieve that goal will you have developed everything it takes to get the kind of girl you actually want. It sounds extreme but I found it to be absolutely true in my experience.

[Infernity]

Hey, well I will leave the advice related to the mate thingy to the guys here, but, just my advice on general, make sure you post your post in a proper forum. This has nothing to do with food, nutrition or exercise. If you do not mind, I relocate it in the Off-Topic Lounge.


Good luck.


-Infernity

[jaydfox]

Pump some iron, get into a ring (boxing or similar) and as your testosterone increases and your brain rewires (can take a few months) the cockiness and bravado that Brandon is speaking about will begin to manifest naturally.

Hey infy, this quote from Prometheus relates to "food, nutrition, or exercise"... [tung]

[Infernity]

Jay
Hey infy, this quote from Prometheus relates to "food, nutrition, or exercise"... [tung]

And this one:

Hey infy, this quote from Prometheus relates to "food, nutrition, or exercise"... [tung]

- just assured it now lies and the right place...


-Infernity

[Mind]

Prometheus is correct about the machismo thing. Male competition is alluring to women. You can also show confidence by talking about things you know. If you are lucky, you will run into a woman who has thought about life extension in the past. Arguing your point with confidence can be alluring.

About bartending; it is unlikely you will find a stable long term relationship with a smart woman in a bar. If you want a one night stand....that is a different story.

I'm not sure bartending is a great way to really test your "game". In my experience, the girls at the bar are either drunk or obnoxiously flirting with the bartender to get free drinks.

. Shepard is absolutely correct here. From my bartending experience, it is better to wait until the end of the night. If there is a woman who is attracted to you, she will be the last one in the bar and it will be obvious you are going to get some action.

[FunkOdyssey]

I don't think boxing is a responsible recommendation for immortalists. Getting hit in the head repeatedly = brain damage. There are safer ways to develop machismo.

Head Injury
The American Association of Neurological Surgeons say that 90% of boxers sustain a brain injury.

Boxing may account for fewer deaths than some other sports but the numbers of boxers suffering brain damage are believed to be much higher than recorded.

It is not surprising that head injury is so common in boxing. It is estimated that when a boxer gets a direct blow to the head it is like being hit by a 12lb padded, wooden mallet travelling at 20mph!

Being hit on the head can cause fractures to the bone of the head and face and tissue damage in the brain. A blow can damage the surface of the brain, tear nerve networks, cause lesions, bleeding and sometimes produce large clots within the brain.

The degree of damage suffered by boxers will depend on professional or amateur status. Professional boxers suffer from the cumulative effect of damage to the brain, often resulting in punch drunk' syndrome. The evidence of damage suffered by amateur boxers less clear cut, a number of studies found no evidence of cumulative brain damage.

Body Damage from Boxing
Cuts, bruises, broken teeth, dental problems, broken ribs, internal bleeding damage to internal organs.

Eye Injuries from Boxing
Although protected by very hard bone on the side eyes are very vulnerable to direct hits from below. Damage to the eyes in boxing can result from direct contact or from shock waves set up in fluid contents. Depending on the force of the blow damage may result in injury to the retina, retinal detachment, retinal hemorrhage, etc.

Ex-boxers more Vulnerable to Disease and Deterioration in Old Age
Ex-boxers are more vulnerable to natural aging of the brain and diseases of brain. They may be more likely to suffer diseases such as Alzheimer's and Parkinson's disease. Boxers' brains are smaller and surface grey matter is thinner. The ventricles within the brain enlarged because of the decrease in the brain's white matter.

Edited by FunkOdyssey, 18 April 2006 - 03:48 PM.

[Kalepha]

Unfortunately, my instincts had always been overkill in this area, which amounted to a lot of time wasting. Guyledouche, essentially to repeat, just be generally kind, don't be eager, take care of yourself, hang out with friends, have a decent sense of humor, be cool and friendly. Book chapters, or even books, can be written about each of these topics, on which brizzadizza is apparently working, so these are merely signposts. But once you get your jollies out of the way, and if you're not already a genius, you'll seemingly need to regress back to infancy to figure out who and how to be, in light of the non-obvious circumstances.

[brizzadizza]

I have to disagree with Mind on the type of women you meet at a bar. There are most certainly barfly women out and about at the bars but if you go on say a friday or saturday night you'll find dozens of college girls out with friends. The benefit to a bar or party type setting as opposed to the oft romanticized "we met at a bookstore/coffee shop/poetry reading" is people tend to want to be social at a bar or party whereas many other things take them to the common intelligensia gatherings, such as needing a certain book, having a caffeine itch that needs scratching, or liking poetry, a problem in and of itself. In light of that I would say don't discount the bars as there are many intelligent, beautiful and obscenely interesting women out at night with friends, or who just happen to enjoy a drink. You just have to use common sense and find someone that can maintain themseslves in that situation in a way that you find appealing. Also take a few classes at college or a community college in speech and communications. If you can give a good speech in front of a group that instantly presents you as an alpha male type of guy. I had a TA in my intro biology class that was the most timid little guy I had ever met. He's a great friend of mine. He is terrifed of talking to women, but they just love the crap out of him and the only reason is he stands up in front of the Supplemental instruction group and talks. Is hasn't worked out for him because he doesn't quite grasp the next necessary step, but it gives him a good foot forward where the rest of us have to find that first step.

When the book comes out Nate you're getting a signed copy with a picture of me. I know you eagerly anticipate the day that happens.

Brandon

Also, you're getting a lot of rules presented to you here. You don't have to follow everyone, think of them as demonstrations of solution to your problem and find the common theme and make tha work for you.

Oh and one more thing before I go for now. Start cultivating the idea in your head that every women you meet and talk to is completely interested in you and wants nothing more than to nail you. The truth of the matter is absolutely inconsequential. It simply puts you in the right frame of mind where if you start sensing interest you're poised to act. You've already done the whole "Does she like me? I really don't know" part and by default come up with an affirmative answer.

Thats all for now. Im signing it a second time.
Brandon

[Kalepha]

When the book comes out Nate you're getting a signed copy with a picture of me. I know you eagerly anticipate the day that happens.

You misjudge, my fine fellow thespian. The second to last thing I need is your book. The last thing I need is my book. But tell you what, I'll take it anyway for the gratuity, the signature and picture!

[DukeNukem]

www.match.com, personals.yahoo.com and there are likely others. There's really no stigma to using these anymore (100's of 1000's use them) and they're perfect for busy people who don't hang out at bars or meet-markets. I know a lot of people who have hooked up on these sites successfully. It's like Monster.com for daters, and it's easy to pick people with similar interests.

[jaydfox]

meet-markets

Huh, I always thought it was "meat" markets... "Meet" markets seems so much less derogatory than the way I hear people use the expression...

[Live Forever]

www.match.com, personals.yahoo.com and there are likely others.

adultfriendfinder.com

[Shepard]

adultfriendfinder.com

Isn't that one for swingers?

[Live Forever]

adultfriendfinder.com

Isn't that one for swingers?

Haha, I think it is for swingers, one night stands, etc. (I was trying to be funny) [sfty]

[Shepard]

It was funny, and could work rather well, depending on the goal. I suggest large doses of alcohol to accompany that site.

[Infernity]

OK, a female advice.

Go to some pub order some beer and look for some lass that came for the same reason you have. Ye know, the one that sits next to the bar with no man besides her, looking around secretly, to see if a man looks at her.

Just look at her and let your eyes smile, ye know, that you feel like you smile but you actually don't, this is like gaze charm, dunno, always works for me. Anyways, when she notices (and if she came for that reason, she will quickly) just make sure you move your head back to the beer so she can see you were looking at her before. She will probably take a pick every once in few seconds now, you should have now few times of meeting gazes. Do not wait for her to come over you, that is quite rare that the female starts, they all love it when he comes to them [ [lol] ]. After you have finished your beer, just go find yer sit next to her, you can ask whatever, if she smiled to you before. "So, what's your name?" can be a good start, or "Waiting for someone?". From that, just trust your intuition.

Perhaps it sounds to planned and all, and not reasonable to happen, it just works after several times.

Female speaking


-Infernity

Edited by infernity, 19 April 2006 - 07:05 AM.

[Live Forever]

Infernity, you aren't old enough to go to pubs

[Infernity]

Really? [sfty]


I am a VIP, and I say no more.


-Infernity

Edited by infernity, 18 April 2006 - 10:50 PM.

[RighteousReason]

It's kind of rare to find a female that can actually hold a comparable level of respect/duty (also logic/reality) for "big picture" ideas.

Personally, those are the kind of females I'm looking for, now.

If I have to sway a woman with petty social gestures and integrate into my belief system superficial, short-sighted, goals, then I'm not wasting any more of my time on them.

In light of this recent decision on my part, I might be looking for quite some time (and probably have better luck in a library than a bar) ... but you never know.

[zoolander]

Be yourself.

Who cares what people think.

WARNING: generalizations and sometimes overly opionated comments ahead.

There is one thing I would definetly modify. Your mindset. Why do you need a girlfriend? So many people "need" a girlfriend these days and IMO it is because they lack the ability to gain a sense of self-worth independantly. So may people seems to need the approval/acceptance of others to accept themselves.

I know that this is hitting some buttons guyledouche.

Your threads talk about anxiety and social phobias but here in the cyberworld you're a cool dude. You can articulate yourself reasonably well and seem to have an curious way about you. Use this! When you meet people ask questions and be curious.

However, don't have any motives for doing what you are doing apart from a genuine ineterest. Sure, you may want to go and out score but if you forget about going out and scoring, this will be the night you score. Can anyone hear me with that comment? guys, I think we have all been there.

In my eyes there is nothing more attractive that self-confidence and strong sense of self-worth. Find this and everyone will see it and come your way.

I'm not afraid to wear anything. My faviourite outfit consists of a long black skirt, riding boots, a large leather bondage belt with chains, white shirt and losely fitting black tie. I'm male as well. Here is a picture that inspired me to put the above outfit together



I think even though there is a dress involved, the above picture is still very masculine.

My point is, I feel comfortable in this outfit and it shows. The looks i get from the women are positive. I do get some negative looks from the women though but that is only because I look better in a dress than them. [lol]

I don't dress like this always though. The way you dress is just a means to freely express yourself. I am no way suggesting that you put on a skirt. All I am saying is find a little confidence and don't be so motivated to find a girlfriend.

If all else fails, I still have a few places left in my course at the DZU (Derek Zoolander University) school for male models.

My final word, don't consciously materialise people into objects of desire. Desire and attraction for another is innate. I believe this, however, saying to your girlfriend that attraction is an innate quality you can't control after you get caught checking out another chick, doesn't work. Trust me on this

[Shepard]

I'm not afraid to wear anything. My faviourite outfit consists of a long black skirt, riding boots, a large leather bondage belt with chains, white shirt and losely fitting black tie. I'm male as well.

My point is, I feel comfortable in this outfit and it shows. The looks i get from the women are positive. I do get some negative looks from the women though but that is only because I look better in a dress than them.

Yeah, but you're what we call "man pretty".

[FunkOdyssey]

I think even though there is a dress involved, the above picture is still very masculine.

My point is, I feel comfortable in this outfit and it shows. The looks i get from the women are positive. I do get some negative looks from the women though but that is only because I look better in a dress than them.

That's an actual pick-up artist technique, its called peacocking. You wear something outrageous that draws attention to yourself and gives you a conversation starter.

It's kind of rare to find a female that can actually hold a comparable level of respect/duty (also logic/reality) for "big picture" ideas.

Personally, those are the kind of females I'm looking for, now.

If I have to sway a woman with petty social gestures and integrate into my belief system superficial, short-sighted, goals, then I'm not wasting any more of my time on them.

In light of this recent decision on my part, I might be looking for quite some time (and probably have better luck in a library than a bar) ... but you never know.

Some girls can be "converted" to adopt big picture thinking and long-range goals. How many of us here have sparked an interest in life extension in our significant others where there was none previously? You still have to be selective of course, to find girls receptive to this stuff, but you don't need them to be on the same page right off the bat. People naturally pick up a bit of each other's goals and priorities when they are in love.

[brizzadizza]

Oh this thread is booming! Ok I'm excited because I think we're coming on some actual immortalist themes here that I feel I need to properly address. Namely identity with the be who you are comment (absolutely true, but I think worthy of some deeper investigation) and hank's statement which can really be a great doorway into male female relations which will lead to hopefully some more womanly input, not that your input isn't appreciated infernity. I'm off to work right now, but when I get back I'll be writing a little bit that I think is worthy of the issues that thread is addressing both intentionally and unintentionally. ooooh I'm so excited.

[DJS]

Could someone please tell me what the hell to do?

In your particular case I would agree with Duke -- use a dating service. I haven't used one yet but I have a few friends who have gotten good results (and I am currently considering taking the plunge because it is so very very very hard to find a girl whose mind is as attractive as her body ))

Being able to get most of the "factual" compatability issues out of the way before you ever meet is a good thing. (Plus), going through a service grants you the luxury of not having to make "the hard sell". (Plus), you can work your way gradually into the date - starting with emails, then telephone calls, etc. (Plus) you can always try try and try again. Practice makes perfect my friend.

Good luck. I recommend the nerdy science girls. God, do I love nerdy science girls. ggrrrr