5 months from present: I’m 20 years of age, quite smoking cannabis a few months ago and I believe that I have developed a form of social anxiety.
All throughout me teenage years, until about a year ago I was an extrovert. Very outgoing, with lots of charisma. However, I am now the complete opposite of that following my cannabis induced panic attack. I have not felt the same since and have become extremely introspective.
Almost a year before I even started smoking cannabis I took almost 4g of Tek shrooms and experienced what I can only describe as being reborn. It was scary and markedly enlightening (I hate that word). I started to see that similar to my old self, people thought about being better than everyone else and projecting an image. During the trip I did however feel tremendously lonely for a short moment and during this time my friends were telling themselves how they wanted to try every drug, including heroin. This caused me to spiral into quite a daunting, negative mind loop. All I wanted at this point was silence; I meditated and felt pure inner bliss, but my friends kept asking if I was dead, so it didn’t last too long.
Nevertheless, I had become positive in my thinking, never judging others and complementing them in the best ways possible, though not many people like to be complemented for some strange reason. I also started reading books about history, group psychology, etc. I tried having rational conversations with my friends but it was downright impossible. I was feeling good and dandy until I started smoking cannabis.
After my cannabis induced panic attack, I quit cold turkey and went to the doctors because I didn’t know who I was. My brain was in a fog, I could not concentrate, my eyesight was blurry and dull almost like I was looking through a film of grey, sounds were earsplitting, I had a full prickly rash all over my body, I had tingling in the fingers and an odd sensation in my left front-upper side of my head that resembled a void/black hole. I always felt it when I smoked but it didn’t seem to bother me until my panic attack. To cope with it I usually try to occupy myself with something or else the sensation will become too overwhelming. Nevertheless, Lyme disease was ruled out, although blood tests can oftentimes come back false negative.
Moreover, the biggest PROBLEM is that I get these weird spasms that can materialize when I’m anxious/nervous. It has caused me to try to void my thoughts in order to block out the sensations; my brain feels as though it's trapped in a pressurized vise and my head wobbles. This has also caused me to be unable to look people in the eyes. If I do my neck will tense up and I’ll start to spasm out. I try to control my spasms by never looking up or making eye contact and resting my head on my hands. If I’m in class, I’ll distract myself by scribbling or taking notes, however if I cease doing this my symptoms will appear. If I let these symptoms continue, I’ll start to clench and sweat. Moreover, I am unable to talk long periods of time to people because my brain feels like it stops working. I’ll forget what I am saying mid sentence and an uncomfortable, overwhelming feeling will take over me. That being said it is very annoying and I want it to stop so bad! This never happened before I started smoking cannabis! I was the complete opposite of who I am today. I can’t even look at my parents in the eyes, nor my friends. Others have told me this is a time of transition from adolescence to adulthood and, like all transitions, is often accompanied by a degree of doubt and worry.
That being said cannabis has made me a more positive person, I am not anxious or depressed if I’m in solitude/alone fishing or hiking. A person who now likes the simple and small things in life. I like to garden and birdwatch, all of which I would of thought was ‘queer' before smoking. I have found my earthy and spiritual side! I continue to do the things I love to do sober, like music, hiking, fishing, and birdwatching but it seems I like to do these things in solitude. I believe that company is good but solitude is bliss.
"To live in my memories, to live in my imagination, is to live in the non-existential. And when I'm living in the non-existential, I'm missing that which is existential. Naturally one will be miserable, because they will miss their whole life. I try to live in the now which, in many ways prevents me from working efficiently. For my work I have to look into the future, it just can be too much of a burden sometimes in the arrow of time."
Currently: Some days I’m full of energy; blissful and happy, other days I’m completely emotionless, spaced out and anxious. Usually when I’m spaced out my social anxiety goes through the roof.
I struggled with spasms that materialized when I was anxious/nervous for another 2 and a half months. The feeling surfaced when I was at college in a class, where I just wanted to leave and hug a tree or get lost in composing music. The black hole like void sensation in my head has all but disappeared, it usually will surface when fight and flight response kicks in.
Social anxiety/stress debilitates me in the spring and fall semesters. I lose weight, feel lethargic and can not concentrate because I am so deep in my thoughts. I exercise daily but it really doesn’t seem to help that much.
I have discovered meditation which has sort of cleared my mental chatter, (obsessive compulsive disorder).
My thoughts can be intrusive, in the way that I overthink social situations to the point where I sometimes experience impending doom. I just want to cry. That’s why Im so desperately trying to find a cure.
Supplements: I have cycled Perfect Brand Rhodiola Rosea (3% rosavins) 4 days on/3days off for 4 weeks. It seemed to boost my physical performance at work, however it also increased my anxiety and intrusive, negative thoughts. I got easily agitated and angry.
Gaia Ashwagandha - Made me extremely tried. I took it just before bedtime and although I was able to fall asleep quick I felt spaced out and groggy all throughout the next day. I also took two capsules, (recommended dosage) one in the morning and one in the afternoon. It gave me extreme brain fog, possibly because it is an GABA-recepter antagonist. I could barely concentrate. I felt slow, lethargic, and dumb and was unable to think clearly.
MACA Nutivas tsp. - Increased energy, no significant impact on anxiety, increased libido.
Nordic DHA/EPA fish oil seems to reduce inflammation. No more aching joints, no more brain fog but still no effect on anxiety. Should I also take naturewise organic flaxseed oil ALA with the fish oil or is this pointless?
Turmeric curcuma - Not sure yet but have felt less anxiety as of late. Been taken one tablespoon every 48hours for two weeks.
Swanson Inositol for my OCD, I took inositol for the past two days. The first day I took 8g, the second day I took around 17g. My OCD and anxiety was reduced tenfold, be it I was alone and not in a college classroom but it seemed to really help! I also felt an inner peace that I only seemed to experience as a child. The only side effect was drowsiness at night and diarrhea.
Could anyone give me some input regarding supplements worth taking for anxiety and/or panic or if inositol is the right choice. Experiences with these supplements would greatly be appreciated!
Edited by birthdaysuit, 24 July 2015 - 12:58 AM.
