27 replies to this topic

[lOcéan]

Hello everyone, and thanks you in advance for reading my complaining story...
(sorry for my english it's not my native language)

Three years ago I started smoking pot, I was sixteen years old, a young fresh girl, I was always smiling and joking around, I had a wonderful imagination and could write stories, and then, with no reason despite smoking pot, I became a zombie. Suddenly I wasn't able to talk to my friends anymore, cannot concentrate at school, and experienced a very bad memory. It feels like something in my brain had broke. I felt stupider day after day, and my mind became totally blank. A void. Nothing into it. I used to be a very talkative and outgoing person, now I just sit in silent and struggle to give an answer when someone's talking to me. Also I'm always searching and switching words, it's very complicated for me to form a coherente sentence, it's getting so bad that the only words I'm saying now are just " yes - no - maybe " (I don't know.. can you repeat the question ? okay sorry for that, I hope you guys know Malcolm in the middle), otherwise I have to really really search deep in my head in order to response. I just can't cope with that. I feel like I'm heavily retarted (sorry), and over the past 3 years the thing is that it just kept getting worse... like it's a progressive disorder...

I don't know what the hell I did to my brain but now I'm seriously considering into commiting suicide, it's so fucking scary to see myself becoming demented, and my life is no longer bearable - I spend my day sleeping, eating, and crying (of course). I avoid my friends more than anything now. I can't have a discussion, can't go to school, can't read, can't watch TV even stupid TV show, it's too complicated for my brain to process. I don't understand the simplest thing. I forgot what I'm doing when I'm doing it (like sometimes I'm playing piano and suddenly I become aware that I'm playing piano and I'm like : wow which song was I playing ?) I don't have any motivation, any idea, I'm overeating, always craving for sugar or carbs, I'm disgusting. I'm not overweigh though, I weigh 58 kilos for 170cm (it's because I lost a lot of weigh during january, like 8 kilos in maybe 2 weeks.. I was too stressed to eat anything, but now I'm slowly gaining all the weigh back) Last year I was running two/three times a week but now I've barely enough motivation for just getting out of my bed so forget about it, I just can't. And sport never improved my condition, unfortunately... but I was more relaxed for sure. I'm constantly tired, I can sleep 10 hours and still feel exhausted, I'm not really oversleeping though I use sleep as an escape from my life. Sorry for being so pathetic.

I don't know if something can be done to reverse this. At first I was sure I was becoming schizophrenic, now I'm sure I have a multi infarct dementia or something as bad

The only thing I can tell you about a " serious " health problem is that I suffer from a yeast infection. But I was suffering from it before having those cognitive issues so I don't think it's linked. I never did anything to heal myself from candida, I don't take it seriously in fact. Maybe I should. I've been blood tested and everything was okay.

I've seen a therapist for 3 years (as soon as the problem started I took an apointment) and he said to me that I was suffering from dissociation (because I was suffering with derealization along with the cognitive problem at first, but this symptom has disapparead), that my brain was protecting himself from a trauma, and that the " blank mind symptom " was all in my head. I truly wanted to believe him, but 3 years after here I am, my mind's still blank, I still feel like shit. And I " believe " in psychology, but, I can feel it inside me, this problem isn't psychological. Plus, when it started I was having a wonderful time in my life.

I've started taking those supplements and vitamins :
- Vitamin B (3,6,9), C, D
- Calcium
- Magnesium
- Omega 3
- NAC, 1g
- 5-HTP 50mg
- N Acetyl Tyrosine 700mg
- Gingko Bilboa - Bacopa mix (it's called memoboost)
- and some homeopathy
I've been under two different SSRI, I tried Piracetam, Trivastal, and I don't felt any effect at all (I don't feel any effect from all the supplements I'm taking too) (yeah I like parentheses)

So what do you think about this problem ? What can I do ? If you have any question feel free to ask
Tell me there's hope.. or that something can be done... I just can't take it anymore...

Thanks, sorry for annoying you with my life
lOcéan

[Godof Smallthings]

Psychological and chemical are interrelated. I would not draw a line in between.

In the end, what you want is a good life, right? So you find the methods that work to give you that.

There is hope. Definitely.

You cannot change the past, so don't let your thoughts dwell there. You cannot live in the future either, that is called daydreaming.

Instead, find the here and now. Every moment you have is a moment where you can start to get better, to do something other than what you usually do.

I would also say forget the homeopathy. I am not saying that the placebo effect is not powerful - it can be powerful, but there is no real science behind the theories of homeopathy, so you might as well place your faith in something more constructive, like for example the fact that you have the inherent ability to fix your situation. Because it is when you are convinced of this that real change will occur. And it will occur out of your own actions.

I know your body tells you it wants crap, mine does too when I don't plan my meals beforehand. You can break that cycle, little by little.

Start by planning and controlling your shopping habits. The best way is to make sure you don't have any junk food available at home, that way when you are hungry, you will be too lazy or apathetic to go buy it - and that way, the vegetables and fruit you bought can help instead.

You do have the resources to make a change, you just need to amplify them and you amplify them by constantly reminding yourself to be aware of the present moment, which gives you space to act in a smart/skillful way. I have also been clinically depressed and contemplated suicide twice - and I have got out of it twice, too.

The supplements you are taking all seem like good ones for your condition, except I don't know enough about N-acetyl-tyrosine, and also, for me personally, bacopa does not seem to have much of an effect. Then again, in the Australian study it seemed like women got better results from it than men, so it could be good for you after all.

Exercise is something you really should do as well.

If hard exercise seems too much, do yoga and stretching with deep belly breathing instead. Deep belly breathing and stretching will release your body tension, and when the body tension is released, you will find that some of your mental tension and stress is released too.

Realize that when your mind tells you you are braindead and that you should apologize for taking up people's time, it is playing tricks on you. Don't buy into the mind's tricks. Be aware of them, but don't let them take you for a ride - tell the mind 'thank you for your opinion', smile a little, and then proceed with what you want to do.

Here's a guy who can help you out - in French, even:

The exercises in Jon Kabat Zinn's "Mindful Way through Depression" are great as well.

Edited by Godof Smallthings, 13 April 2013 - 11:30 AM.

[hadora]

Do you still smoke cannabis or do others drugs ?
you should see another psychiatrist and maybe try low dose antipsychotic + an SNRI
you don't have dementia that for sure lol
If you live near Paris you should go to L'hopital de La salpetriere they have very good psychiatrists that will be able to help you

and force yourself to go out with friends it's very important for your mental health even if you think otherwise, it's very important to not lose contact with them, trust me !
for the time being you should talk to your doctor ( medecin generaliste ) about your situation maybe he can give you some advices

Best of luck

Edited by hadora, 13 April 2013 - 11:39 AM.

[renfr]

I would stop taking 5 HTP, your dopaminergic system has been ruined by pot consumption and 5HTP makes you even more braindead (unless you're just taking it for sleep?).
Do not take antipsychotics like hadora says, yes antipsychotics can upregulate strongly dopamine receptors but they can a wide range of other side effects that are sometimes permanent.

- Vitamin B (3,6,9), C, D
- Calcium
- Magnesium
- Omega 3
- NAC, 1g
- 5-HTP 50mg
- N Acetyl Tyrosine 700mg
- Gingko Bilboa - Bacopa mix (it's called memoboost)
- and some homeopathy
I've been under two different SSRI, I tried Piracetam, Trivastal, and I don't felt any effect at all (I don't feel any effect from all the supplements I'm taking too) (yeah I like parentheses)

Also stop taking the bacopa, bacopa upregulates your serotonin system, it will only makes the problem worse, there is even a thread about it on longecity : http://www.longecity...m-of-the-brain/
Though NALT (N acetyl tyrosine) can temporarily correct your issues it will rapidly become innefective so it isn't really a good thing to keep taking it.
You can keep the rest but I would advise you to check your calcium levels, too much isn't a good thing.

What I would suggest is to upregulate gently your dopamine system, carbs craving shows that you're in need of dopamine, this is what I would suggest you to do :
- Use supplements to upregulate dopamine such as Sulbutiamine (you can buy it in pharmacy, it's called Arcalion from Servier, it's over the counter but it's quite expensive so you may also want to order it on the internet)
Take 600-1200mg a day with food (this is important because it's fat soluble)

- Exercise, exercise is important to regulate your cravings, plus it helps a lot with clearing brainfog

- Go to your doctor and ask him to check the following (I will put it in french so that it's easier for you to know) :
* Vitamine B6 (elle contribue à la formation de dopamine)
* Vitamine D (très très importante! elle est indispensable pour convertir la tyrosine ou la tryptophane dans les aliments en dopamine, sérotonine, etc...)
* Insuffisance adrénale (il se peut que tu aies un dérèglement hormonal qui puisse causer tous ces symptômes)
* Test d'électrolytes et de minéraux (pour les minéraux genre le fer, le magnésium, l'iode, le zinc aussi, le fer intéragit avec la dopamine, l'iode avec la thyroïde si tu as une hypothyroïdie tu peux avoir tous les symptomes que tu cites et je te conseille de voir le cuivre aussi car vu que tu prends du NAC il se peut que tu manques de cuivre)
Tu peux continuer à prendre le NAC car il permet de protéger tes neurones de la dopamine.
* Test d'hypo-hyperglycémie
If I remember of other important tests, I will tell you which ones to make.

- Stop taking 5HTP, bacopa and eventually NALT

- Start an healthy diet, avoid carbs and unhealthy fat (acides gras saturés, carbohydrates, glucides, etc...) as much as possible, replace most of your carbs with healthy fat (acide gras mono/polyinsaturés, omégas 3, triglycérides à chaîne moyenne), the first days will be an horror because your body will starve of dopamine and ask for more but don't give it more, resist as much as possible.
you can try the following : try fasting or eating the less possible for two days and you will start feeling much better.

Three years ago I started smoking pot, I was sixteen years old, a young fresh girl, I was always smiling and joking around, I had a wonderful imagination and could write stories, and then, with no reason despite smoking pot, I became a zombie. Suddenly I wasn't able to talk to my friends anymore, cannot concentrate at school, and experienced a very bad memory. It feels like something in my brain had broke. I felt stupider day after day, and my mind became totally blank. A void. Nothing into it. I used to be a very talkative and outgoing person, now I just sit in silent and struggle to give an answer when someone's talking to me. Also I'm always searching and switching words, it's very complicated for me to form a coherente sentence, it's getting so bad that the only words I'm saying now are just " yes - no - maybe " (I don't know.. can you repeat the question ? okay sorry for that, I hope you guys know Malcolm in the middle), otherwise I have to really really search deep in my head in order to response. I just can't cope with that. I feel like I'm heavily retarted (sorry), and over the past 3 years the thing is that it just kept getting worse... like it's a progressive disorder...

Gosh you really sound like me... years ago! Don't worry, I passed through this though not for the same reasons but not I am out of this!
There is always a way out, you just need to find it, it will not be immediate, it will take time but you will eventually get through it.

If you need more precisions you can PM me, there we can discuss in french if you want it.

[Sholrak]

also, add B12 vitamin, sure it will help with the talking part.

Good luck.

[renfr]

vitamin B12 can help with the lethargy so yes it's a good thing if your diet is poor in poultry, meat, fish.

[Bismarck]

dopaminergic system has been ruined by pot consumption

Can you elaborate a little bit on this?

I have been smoking weed in my teen years on a regular basis as well and it had a profound impact on my life including psychosis.

I had similar symptoms like OP , I felt that I could not handle information in real life anymore even though I was very smart/witty and outgoing before smoking Pot. I eventually couldnt cope with social situations and felt I was getting stupid, I deveoloped some form of psychosis as a result of this by creating another world in my own head coupled with cannabis induced paranoia and depression it got really bad.

Edited by Bismarck, 14 April 2013 - 08:19 AM.

[YOLF]

IIRC pot can cause a metabolic syndrome. Your hormones are stuck out of whack. The other posters sound more knowledgeable though.

[Reformed-Redan]

Well, you don't sound "broke" by your OP. It was well written and you seem like an intelligent person. You've done your research and have arrived here to help yourself. You might want to look at your family and see if they have any symptoms like you have. Other than that it sounds like you're in a very deep depression.

[Sholrak]

Maybe you should give Rhodiola rosea a try. For what I've seen, it's one of the best suplemments for marihuana substitution or chronic withdrawal. It works on monoamines (mainly dopamine and serotonin), endogenous opioids, and seems to be great as an hormonal rebalancer.

I haven't tried however, will try soon but looks like one of the best antidepressants ever.

[Godot]

Ages 16-19 are a major hormonal shift. The problems you've experienced are likely completely unrelated to pot smoking. There is no evidence that marijuana causes any long-term neurological problems. See an endocrinologist.

[renfr]

dopaminergic system has been ruined by pot consumption

Can you elaborate a little bit on this?

I have been smoking weed in my teen years on a regular basis as well and it had a profound impact on my life including psychosis.

I had similar symptoms like OP , I felt that I could not handle information in real life anymore even though I was very smart/witty and outgoing before smoking Pot. I eventually couldnt cope with social situations and felt I was getting stupid, I deveoloped some form of psychosis as a result of this by creating another world in my own head coupled with cannabis induced paranoia and depression it got really bad.

Agonism of cannabinoid receptors and opioid as well cause release of dopamine, that's why you may have a lot of anxiety or feel paranoid while on weed.
Too much dopamine can indeed cause a psychotic break as well.

[Turnbuckle]

I have been smoking weed in my teen years on a regular basis as well and it had a profound impact on my life including psychosis.

I had similar symptoms like OP , I felt that I could not handle information in real life anymore even though I was very smart/witty and outgoing before smoking Pot. I eventually couldnt cope with social situations and felt I was getting stupid, I deveoloped some form of psychosis as a result of this by creating another world in my own head coupled with cannabis induced paranoia and depression it got really bad.

So what happened?

[Bismarck]

Well much like OP I withdrew from social completely. That was when I was 18, iam 25 now and alot happened since then.

If you want to know how I got better, the biggest change came from the decision to stop all kinds of narcotics reverse what ive done to myself. Ive been smoking, drinking heavyly since I was 14. I thought if u can manage to go this far in destroying yourself lets see what can happen if you do the opposite.

So I started pretty much trying to live as healthy as I can. After 3 years of that I eventually started taking Zoloft for my depression and it worked wonders. Nootropics have been working outstanding for me.

I cant say for sure but personally iam convinced that due to 3 years doing what I can to cure myself without the help of drugs ive built up quite some skills on how to control my thoughts and get through things.

If youre in a bad situation and you start to take drugs right away I dont think that is very helpfull because you propably wont do the work that is neccesary to help yourself thinking the drugs will fix you.

In my mind that is why alof of drugs like Zoloft have such a bad reputation, because theyre taken by people who have gotten themselves into a bad situation and the first thing they do to help themselves is going to a doc and get meds and after that they pretty much do nothing but rely on the drugs to fix them.

Edited by Bismarck, 15 April 2013 - 03:00 AM.

[MindofMan]

Braindead,

At this stage in the game you are you're own worst enemy. I truly say that you in love. Your memory of the baseline "you" is an illusion, as you are picking the good and productive qualities and times from your past self and ignoring the ones that felt just plain old normal and even keeled. Your mind is consumed with stories and endless chatter about your condition, and it's making the problem worse. What would be a better outcome, going out fighting or choosing to be the victim of your own transgressions? Tackle that self loathing dialogue and summon up the last few ounces of your willpower to make a change today which could make tomorrow your first step out of the darkness. How?

Nearly every signal your body is giving you right now should be noticed, noted, and given the reply of the exact opposite measure. You are craving junk, you are ready to lie down and quit, and you are losing hope and all connection to the beautiful promise of a better day. Know above all that any narcotic or supplement you put in your body could be completely counterproductive, and most likely is unless you were very strategic about putting adopting it. Eat a paleo diet, first off, putting only nutrient dense unrefined foods in your mouth. Second, go work out or at least walk. You don't have to do anything major, just get your heart rate up for a half hour and in the sunshine if possible. Lastly, turn off that voice that tells you that you are the victim of some affliction that baffles modern medicine. You can get better, you will make the effort, and you can get the enjoyment out of life you once did. It takes time, that is the only way to heal, little by little so subtle that you can't distinguish the improvement from one day to the next. One day, you will look back and you won't recognize the guy you were at your lowest point, and you will know without doubt you are headed in the right direction.

This is not complicated, it's basic lifestyle changes that are in order for you. Mind, body, and spirit need to be replenished. That means your thoughts, your nourishment, and your beliefs must be managed at all times. Like i said not complicated, but it can be difficult. Don't focus on miracles, they won't come, or at least i have yet to see that happen even though so many are out on the net looking for it. Look for hope, signs of hope. Again, there is no instant reward in most cases, its gradual, and comes on as your brain and your body begin to repair and renetwork the life you are creating for yourself.

[cesium]

Judging from the symptoms you report I would suspect schizotypal personality disorder or a prodromal phase of schizophrenia.

http://www.ncbi.nlm....MC2930984/#R120

Stop the marijuana which can induce and/or exacerbate the problem. Also stop the tyrosine and any other dopaminergic since dysregulation of their metabolism is suspected in these disorders.

There is evidence that 1–3 g/day of EPA or 10 g/day of fish oil (mix of EPA and DHA) may be beneficial.

http://www.ncbi.nlm....pubmed/12202284

http://www.ncbi.nlm....pubmed/20124114

N-acetylcysteine as a potentially useful medication to prevent conversion to schizophrenia in at-risk individuals.

http://www.ncbi.nlm....pubmed/22944654

Glycine, D-cycloserine, sarcosine, are all being studied to improve the negative (cognitive) symptoms.

http://www.ncbi.nlm....pubmed/17901997

D-cycloserine: an evolving role in learning and neuroplasticity in schizophrenia.

http://www.ncbi.nlm....pubmed/22368237

Keep up with your psychotherapy, and try to avoid social withdrawal, it's not good for you. Also continue with your writing, many famous writers like James Joyce, Franz Kafka who were similarly afflicted brought much into the world with their unique perspectives. And don't worry, I've had similar problems as yours (with and additional affective twist), and despite a lifetime of very heavy marijuana and alcohol use, I feel my cognitive function at 56 y/o is still just as good as my friends at this age, and I also went through a period in my early 20's where I felt "brain dead" for an extended period of time. Of course the last time I went in for a Psych evaluation about a year ago I was diagnosed as having 'organic brain syndrome' lol, but I thought the shrink was a bit of a flake myself. Anyway good luck and whatever you do don't give up, trust me it gets better with time.

[Tom_]

You have a moderate to severe depressive disorder. The idiot suggesting you have a schizophrenic disorder should lay of the waky backy himself.

Nobody will be able to tell if the weed is the cause of the depressive disorder or not.

You should have your General practitioner (GP) run a blood panel including (C/FBC, Thyroid function and liver function). You may at this point be better placed seeing a psychiatrist and I would defiantly recommend disclosing all of this to your GP.

You're cognitive dysfunction is likely not any where as bad as you think it is, which is being caused by decreased neurogensis in your hippocampus (common in depression).

For chronic depression standard treatment should include Cognitive behavioral therapy, mindfulness practice and rational polypharmacy. You have tried two SSRIs which is enough to suggest a switch to an SNRI (venlafaxine) is required. You have been depressed for A LONG TIME so you need to stay on the vanlafaxine for at least 3 months even if it doesn't seem to be having any effect. Chronic depression takes longer to respond to treatment, swapping drugs every few weeks to months is not going to do you any good at all.

For supplements I wouldn't be on anything more than Omega 3, B vit complex and a multi vit.

Psychosocial interventions should include as said mindfulness (information you will find either in books or online) CBT will be free in your country and behavioual activation is something you can research.

For sleeping problems you should research sleep hygine and stick to it ridgidly. If you are suffering hypersomnia (over sleeping) predawn bright light therapy is a good idea. Set a light box to go off an hour before you want to be out of bed.

[cesium]

You have a moderate to severe depressive disorder. The idiot suggesting you have a schizophrenic disorder should lay of the waky backy himself.

GFY jerk, you sound like a broken record with your assumption that everything is a depressive disorder, and yada yada, take this and do that. If you're gonna play internet psychiatrist maybe you should pay attention to all the symptoms the poster is concerned about where she mentions herself the suspicion of a schizo- like disorder, along with derealization. Of course depression is likely to accompany such a disorder especially a young person experiencing such mental difficulties. Hopefully it was just a temporary aberration with her induced by the marijuana and she will slip no further down that particular spectrum, but to assume a normally happy girl to quote her "Plus, when it started I was having a wonderful time in my life." is just gonna slip into a major depression out of the blue without some major psychosocial stressor in her life initiating it doesn't seem plausible. I think you should turn in your internet psychiatrist license and find something else to do with your time before you get sued for internet malpractice.

[Godot]

Schizo prodrome is not too far-out from the OP's experience as described, especially given the age range. Cesium's suggestions are pretty sound, and wouldn't hurt anything if the hypothesis is incorrect.

Tom's suggestion for mindfulness meditation is also a good idea no matter what the diagnosis turns out to be. It improves emotional regulation, and will give you a better sense of control over your mind.

Edited by Godot, 24 April 2013 - 04:55 PM.

[Tom_]

No psudo/hallucinations, illusions, over valued believes/delusions, or reports of odd & eccentric behavior rules out all of the major symptoms of a prodromal psychosis. Not to mention weed doesn't induce psychosis in the vast majority of smokers. Not only that the age in WOMEN is completely wrong, schizophrenia appears in the late 20s and early 30s, where as men early 20s is the most common. The presentation of prodromal psychosis is about 1.4% in women, while depressive disorders are as common as 20% in women.

Its statistically improbable & shes lacking ANY positive symptoms and the negative symptoms are better accounted for by depression.

The reason I sound like a broken record is because depression is SO much more common than schizophrenia or Bi-polar. Did I forget to mention fear of severe medical disorders that are rationally unfounded sound very akin to hypochondria, which unless delusional I am sure is a sign of something about affective disorders...depression maybe?

She mentioned her therapist talking about a 'trauma' which may well give you your lovely psycho-social stressor. Then again MDE's can be seemingly out of the blue without any obvious psychosocial stressor, at least 30% are. Chronic low grade stress in fact is a more common premorbid history.

How is your telling her various drugs or behaviors (like NAC...etc) might help anything other than what I'm doing? Plus I like my online psychiatric license, I think I'll keep it.

Braindead, If it isn't schizo disorder and she continues to deteriorate there is a risk of suicide attempts, worse prognosis etc with an under/non/mis treated depressive disorder.

[Steve Zissou]

I've experienced something almost exactly the same from abuse of marjiuana and porn. It sounds like her dopaminergic system is messed up. The craving unhealthy sugary and fatty foods explains this well. The brain is starved for dopamine and is looking for this food to give her a spike.

I have a few suggestions on how to feel better:

One: Sort out your blood sugar levels. A simple test is to go for 24 hours without food. If you brain feels 'clearer' then I think you have some problems with blood sugar levels, and you should cut sugar out of your diet as much as possible, and go low on carbs. There are some supplements which will help you with this 'clearer' feeling(SIRT1 activators), and that is Resevatrol. It will help you regain that 'clearer' feeling without going without food for so long. Look into virgin coconut oil.

Two: Address the dopamine situation
Your brain has gotten used to the large spikes of dopamine from marjiuana and has downregulated your receptors to deal with this. Your brain can't cope and is constantly looking for quick fixes of pleasure. This system controls alot of things like motivation, energy, mood, anxiety, happiness, response to new situations, etc.

Unfortunately, to return to normal you need to identify these unhealthy pleasures and cut them out of your life. That means you will be feeling like shit for a couple of weeks, and the desire to for pleasure-seeking behavior will be high. But after a week or so of feeling horrible, you will be sitting down watching TV and then you will feel a bit different. You won't feel as stupid before. You will start having dreams again, and eventually you will be able to feel 'normal' again. Trust me on this. Your brain will reset and you will automatically start looking for natural rewards like friendship, love, shopping.

Agree 1000% on the poster above suggesting sulbutamine. Buy this now and force yourself to take 1000mg a day of this for a month.

For depression you could try the - choline, fish oil and uridine stack. If you search on this forum you can find it.

Judging from how many people replied to this thead, people are interested in helping you and you should try and post on this thread to update us on how you are doing.

[Tom_]

Guys!? whats with this neurotransmitter reductionism? We don't have enough research to take symptoms as signs of specific neurotransmitter abnormalities. The best we can do at a very big push is to suggest treating symptoms with certain medications.

[Xenix]

Give Piracetam a try. 2-4 grams a day.

[lOcéan]

Hi everyone, and thank you so much for all the answers and advices you gave me. I really appreciate.
I tried to answer many time to this topic but everytime I give up because I struggle to write and find words, and it's just driving me crazy to realize I'm this fucked.

The thing I don't understand with the dopamine hypotesis is that I started craving for sugars more than one year after the blank mind feeling occured. But I don't see any inconvenient in stopping craving sugars by giving my brain the amount of dopamine he needs. I'm going to give a try to the low sugar/low carb diet, and to the sulbutiamine.
I started doing some sport again, ten minute a day, not amazing but after three months of almost not going out of my bed it's a little victory. I'd like to run again too..
I've been tested for thyroid and the results were normal (although my TSH was one point under the normal range, so I might be a little hyper), and I don't do any drugs. I've already try to take an SNRI (in fact, I've been under one SSRI and one SNRI, Seroplex and Ixel.) made nothing.

I'm sorry I don't know what to add. Just to let you know it takes me 30 minutes just to write this message. I've the impression you've all wasted your time with me, I'm really sorry for that. I tried hard to stay as optimist as possible the last three years but now I'm just done with this, I'm exhausted.

(excuse me again for my english.)

[Tom_]

We have guilt, hopelessness, thoughts of suicide, anhedonia, fatigue/hypersomnia, moderate psychomotor retardation...classical major depressive disorder with melacholic features.

Milnacipran the SNRI you tried is not very effective (more useful for fibromyalgia), something like vanlafaxine is going to be a lot more useful. On the other hand you are showing signs of mealcholic features, it might be an idea to try a 'nice TAC'.

Either way you need to see a psychiatrist.

You might have the impression we have wasted our time, we on the other hand don't think that.

You have two options, which I can't really sugar coat for you. Either you get help or you try and kill yourself (your chances of success are pretty damn low thank god)/slip into a total inability to look after yourself and they put you in hospital. Either way you get better but I can assure you the first option is certainly the best.

You have an excellent chance of recovery, remission of a naturalized Major Depressive Episode is about 95% at 8 year follow up.

Best Wishes and Good Luck.

[nupi]

It does sound like text book MDD, I agree. And yes, the proper mix of drugs and therapy (for me it's drugs, others respond better to therapy) will get you better. And do not get distracted too much by potential side effects, even bad side effects beat MDD by a long shot.

Edited by nupi, 26 April 2013 - 11:51 AM.

[esse86]

Do you have high expectation to yourself?

[lOcéan]

Hi, so as you can see I'm the op of this thread. It's been a long time since I've posted this, it was really weird to read this again and realize that I've been through this bad, bad time in my life. If I'm posting again today, it's not for asking help anymore. The answers everybody gave me on this thread make so much sense right now, as before I wasn't " able " to properly understand what everyone suggested me. But it was really thoughtful I think, so thank you again, really.

 

I'm posting for all the people that maybe are going through something similar, and fallen out on my post by doing some research on the internet, and are struggling to find any responses.

Two years later, here I am. I'm a student in psychology, next year I (hope) will have completed my licence (?). I've regained social skills, I'm no longer depressed, because I was fucking depressed and I think this is flagrant now that I read my old posts... Actually, I tried to commit suicide, 3 months after having posted, I (obviously) failed, thanks God. In fact, when I restarted school is when I started to get better, step by step. I'm not brain dead anymore. I'm not blank in the head anymore, I've relationship, I go out, I'm even more talkative than before (I must regain the years I've spend being so quiet), I'm hopeful about life, and I'm active. About everything. All the advice given here are truly important, having a clean diet, doing sport, and trying to live in the moment and not thinking about how one can be before a trouble like that occurred. You cannot be like your old self again, because those experiences change you in a profoundly manner, and all you can do is try to build yourself from nothing, and make the change that are necessary to get better.  Everyone is different though, but when you feel broken, and that your brain is not working anymore, you have to, first, be kind and accepting the fact that you're in a difficult situation, but NEVER think that you will never get better. I was convinced that I was fucked, but hey, I'm better. I'm fine now. If you're seriously thinking about suicide please tell someone, a doctor, go find the help that suits you.

I must add that in my case, my depression was caused by bipolar disorder, I'm now treated for that and I'm one year bipolar episodes free. I've made manic, hypomanic, and mixed episode, before and after having posted my first message, but well I wasn't aware that it was a result of a disorder. But, it's not because you're going through a similar situation, a.k.a depression that you're bipolar. It must be diagnosed by a physician.

 

Well, to end this message, just seek the help you need and make changes in your habits to help your brain recover. Just start being good to yourself and to your body, it will help for sure. I know it's not the kind of thing we want to hear when we feel like nothing can be done to recover, it maybe seems too " easy ", but this is the main way to get better in time. Depression can feel truly awful, but it can be treated ! Don't fantasized about something worse, depression is  "the worse" you think about, I know that I was convinced some strange things about my brain because it was traumatic to go from happy-go-lucky to such a dark place. My experience made me understand that there's no need to search the more complicated explanation about this situation, most part of time the simple explanation is the one you're chasing desperately. Don't torture yourself with worries. It can be really frightening to feel that you're brain is working at 5% capacity, but you're brain is sick, and will recover, slowly but surely. There's hope ! 

Edited by lOcéan, 01 April 2015 - 03:46 PM.