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Entry 12: Making this into a v-blog. This is starting to get intresting

Posted by perception is projection , 02 January 2015 · 929 views

evolution is here
There are activities that we all should and should not be engaging in.(my personality type is a goal, human potential perspective. This will not jive with the non-neurotics)

There are certain habits that we should and should not be par-taking in.
There are certain thoughts that we should and should not be par-taking in.
Certain foods that we should and should not be ingesting.
Certain moods that we should and should not be engaging.
certain behavior
certain stimulus(like telivsion is a not and some, not all, books are a should.

Anyway this far on my journey has taken me much deeper.

I am person that suffers from chronic depression. Sometimes I wonder if I’ve been depressed my entire life and not know it because a low depressed state is what I considered to be the norm.

Anyway, there is quote from Joe Rogan that says, “at a certain point in our life, we have to take responsibility for our biology.”
I love that.

I loved that the first time I heard that, but I didn’t quite fully understand what it fully entailed.

At first I thought is just the food and substances in our body, but now I realize its also the thoughts I think. Those thoughts affects my emotions, which affect physiology, which is the world of biology then.

That being said, like in another entry, I was starting to see that developing habit patterns of positive empowering thinking could be 10x more beneficial that some of these simple action/behavioral habits I am trying to put into place.

Like I said, to understand the test subject(which is me) I will give you a little deeper understanding of me. I am a drug addict in recovery. I probably did a decent amount of brain damage to my brain as a youth from abusing every drug under the rainbow.

I have 2 years clean from any narcotics.
A little after getting 2 years I started using nootropics(let me say that in some recovery circles they would say I am not clean and sober anymore.)
That all said. I have a plethora of negative, self defeating core beliefs systems like, “I am not enough,” “if you go to really know me, you would reject me,” “I am not smart,” “I have no value to add except for my looks,” “I don’t deserve good things because X, Y Z,”

These are things that are running in the background of my mind. I also like to mention that obviously on a logical level I know these are not true, but these are core beleifs that I probably received at a very early age, that I have taken for fact for my entire life. They are also not easy to spot. You ask anyone that holds these type of core beleifs about this, they will tell you, not I don’t think that. That is just their ego responding. Know one wants to fully admit this to themselves. This is painful shit, but I’ve found with myself and people that I work with the best way to know what someone believes is look at their actions. A lot of our actions are unconscious results of our beliefs.
Looking at our actions gets us through the bullshit ego games and closets to the truth as possible. I am not going to get into detail about what actions to look for. That can be an entire post in itself, but private message me and I can help you out if you are interested.

ANYWAY…. These beliefs, these unconscious actions as a result of my beliefs are killers to my dreams, my soul and my life.

It’s very vivtim-ish. Victim of my emotions, of my feelings.

They probably also hurt other people, not to mention the economy and everything else around me.

I have no clue how to totally eradicate them. In some respects I don’t think it is possible to totally eradicate them entirely. I think it will take concentrated practice reframing when these feelings/thoughts/images come up, constantly setting my intent, reproving to my brain 10x as many examples why they are not true,

So what now……

Well its the first of the year.

Fuck resolutions, those getting broken quickly.

I think its time to make a video blog about this.
This will be a long and challenging journey.
Not to mention, I don’t spend much time typing these out and are probably of very little benefit to others.
I think my video blog entries of this journey will be much more beneficial to a wider range of audience.

I will also probably get a lot of productive feedback.

I’m still not sure how to go about this.

A lot of this is habit forming(original subject of this blog)
Different practices of different styles of meditation(concentrated as many stimulus at once, one simulis at a time, watching thoughts just flow like a river, not being attached to any, metta-meditation, visualizations)
NLP style reframing
Journalling- I think for me, because I am starting to have experience with this will be extremely helpful. Especially once I use it to systematically break down my experience, see where I stop being present, I get caught up in a negative thought pattern/emotion, then re-try the experience, aware that will happen and prepared with proper mental tools to deal with the situation.)
Systematic desensitization.


Priming my RAS, I have to do more research on this.

So this is getting very complicated at this point.

I'm not sure what type of system to put in place to go about this.

I guess since I make a list of things I was afraid of for that day, I should use that for the things I know I should put on my to do list for the next day.

In terms of habbit patterns of thought and emotions.

I probably should add in 5minute affirmations a day.
Add in 7 minutes of metta meditation.
And my systematic style of journaling.
I'd like to get re-framing techniques memorized. Probably should practice that 5 minutes a day in the car as well.

I am starting to fall asleep. Work on this tomorrow. This shit is exciting. Feel like progress. Now I need to take action

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