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Do you ever wonder who you really are?

life goals

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#1 John250

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Posted 29 May 2018 - 04:46 PM


Through middle school and high school I was extremely overweight which lead to anxiety, being introverted, etc. then at 19 years old I got into bodybuilding which can actually make you even more insecure as it’s the only sport where you can look incredible to 90% of the population but look like crap to “bodybuilders.” I joined a fraternity for social skills but I never really liked hanging out with the guys I preferred to be more introverted. I have always liked having just one close girlfriend not the type a guy who likes to sleep with a lot of women even though I did because it was considered “cool.“ i’m now married for six years and I have a three-year-old and five-year-old boys. When my first son was one I first got on Adderall and found it made me a very social extroverted person. One would think I had low dopamine and my 23 and me showed that I was a low MAO producer. but I found myself thinking is it really a bad thing to be introverted? Maybe that’s just who I am. I find that a lot of us are trying to fix neurotransmitters but what are we trying to achieve? Is there a set standard for what’s “normal?“ Maybe acceptance is the best method. Maybe it’s normal for me to be more introverted and reclusive. I don’t have many goals in life and not very much makes me happy. I often ask myself “who am I?“ and when I think about it my answer is “I’m a dad.“ I love my kids more than anything. I feel almost as if my only reason for being on this earth is to raise my kids and be a good dad. So maybe not having any goals or motivation for anything else is OK?
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#2 MichaelFocus22

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Posted 29 September 2018 - 12:19 AM

   Only you know the answer to that question. For a person achieving greatness and glory this is an excuse to live a medicore existence because the game is rigged against us, Obviously I could complain about it, but that doesn't solve anything now does it? I would say, it's an excuse for are failure and accepting your own defect is the easy way out. What does that achieve though to roll over? It means your dependent upon your own kids of meaning? Then what after?  You have only one life, why settle for so little. Obviously, your pretty successful, I've yet to even date any girl. So I'm not judging. The point being,is why quit? Your basically opting out, which I've contemplated but it doesn't really do anything and it doesn't push the needle forward. As much as I hate neurotypicals, I wish I could be one so badly. That's what we all want to be, is normal. That's why we spend money on stacks, work so hard, and push ourselves because we are tired of feeling like losers. I still feel like a loser. I reflect back upon all my disappoint and grief and all the what if's I'll never know because I simply couldn't stick to it, or I messed up. All the girls I could have had but I'll never know it. At my lowest I would waste 18 hours a day on video games and master bate for another 7 hours and look up the most repulsive filth possible to escape the world. I would charm my way, bruteforce my way and lie and use people because of my own weaknesses? I regret what I've done everyday. Is that really a way to live? Obviously, your much older, but I've reflected alot and I'm a high functioning person I say this sarcastically.  I myself, wonder the same question? Why am I here? I go to the gym, and I never have enough of what those normies have to finish. Everyday I'm reminded of my own defect, every other day I get subpar scores, I forget something all because of a chemical? Isn't that bull? Doesn't that anger you? The course of MY ONLY life was determined because of some loser parents, who had bad genes. While everyone else gets to hold down a job, enjoy life and not take a stupid pill that makes you feel like dirt, and suicidal. I remember, all the times that I lost so much. I remember the humiliation. I remember alot and it's stuck with me just because of a little bad genetic lottery? Like how lame is that? A person who gets the wrong gene could get huntingtons and be sentenced to death, because two degenerates were irresponsible. I don't know I would want kids, with what I've had to go through.  Above all, I remember my own excuses, I remember loosing my loved ones, I remember the dissappointment in my teachers, when I couldn't meet there expectations, So I lied and cheated.  That's what we are seeking, is to finally be denied what was robbed from us. Are real lives, not the lives where you forgot something and you don't know why. Not the life, where you get fired because you said the wrong thing. Not the life where I was social outcast and spent everyday alone because I "couldn't get it". Not the life where I wasted 2500 hours on a videogame only to be medicore.Do you know what that does to the ego? Ofcourse you do.  I say your purpose is to help develop a cure, so that the next person, born with this doesn't have to live what you and I have to live with. That is your purpose and every ADHD person, that wants there life to be full of meaning. You want meaning? Help design a cure. I'm currently developing one but it will take everyone. Should you fail to act, your kids may infact be put through the same trials you were put through. It won't be fun for them. Ofcourse, I'm projecting my own bias. I don't know. Accepting and rolling over is the easy way out. It's easy to be average and to go in silence. It's hard to go crazy and be in denial and to keep fighting when everything is hopeless. I don't know, but I will find a cure one way or another.


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#3 Furniture

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Posted 26 January 2019 - 05:49 AM

I've wrestled with these same thoughts, as an introvert. Is this character trait as pitiful and unpleasant as I make it out to be in my head? Or am I just obsessively comparing myself to outgoing groups of people because we are bombarded with images on TV and in movies of people of the extroverted type? I've made attempts to adjust myself to be that way, to be more entertaining, interesting, smarter, funny, anything but boring. But too much focus on these thoughts can be unhealthy and ultimately self-defeating. You sound like you are starting to reach peace over these thoughts. I say, don't overthink it. Enjoy and be grateful for what you have and who you are. Others live with chronic diseases and cancer, famine, war, abuse, drug addiction, abject poverty, deformities and other hardships. Introversion seems hardly a problem in the scheme of things. You say not much makes you happy, but you have 2 kids and a partner for life. Do they make you happy? I think a lot of us on longecity have huge aspirations (unlimited lifespan speaks for itself) for the world and for themselves. But if you live a dignified and moderate life, minimize harm (social & environmental), educate yourself, be generous, and love the people around you, I think that's a huge success in itself.


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#4 Juangalt

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Posted 06 February 2019 - 08:03 PM

You are a survival machine for the genes that make up your nuclear and mitochondrial DNA. All of your wants and desires are a result of 4 billion years of evolution in these genes and the randomness that allows for the species biodiversity, which in turn gives your genes the maximum possible chance of adapting to the big evolutionary pressures that may come. Of course, as you mentioned, you may have damaged some mechanisms with exogenous substances, you could have some mutation that makes you abnormal and you might just have traits dictated by genes for which there is some logic behind your feelings of inadequacy. But the key takeaway is that you don't really matter.

 



#5 Mind

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Posted 06 February 2019 - 10:51 PM

Introverts of the world unite!! In our own houses, through anonymous Internet communication, of course. (lol)

 

I am naturally somewhat introverted as well. I think it is a fine and normal character trait. Introverts contribute to society, just like everyone else - they just don't talk about it constantly. The world of public schooling treats introversion as some sort-of illness that needs to be cured - which is sad. So many introverts suffer needlessly through public-schooling, IMO.


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#6 xEva

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Posted 07 February 2019 - 04:36 AM

who we are, how we feel about ourselves or the rest of the world depends on the specifics of the cocktail of chemicals floating through our brains (and the rest).  So, properly speaking, we are a cocktail of chemicals. At the moment, I happen to lack just the right stuff to elaborate, but surely you know what I mean (especially the regulars at the brain health forum). 



#7 MichaelFocus22

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Posted 07 February 2019 - 07:16 AM

Extroverts are just annoying and often really stupid anyways. Who cares, they just press the status quo. Naturally I would love to be one so I could abuse their powers, sense their too stupid to use it effectively. Frankly, if I was normal psychopathic extrovert...god knows what I could do with those powers. Unfortunately genetics wasn't quite in my favor. 



#8 Clavius

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Posted 07 February 2019 - 09:29 AM

John250, I didn't realize the bodybuilding world worked like that. A body like that in your avatar is evidence of hard work, persistence, patience and dedication. You can't buy or steal it. I actually gave somebody with such a fit physique a job over someone who is better-experienced because of that. And I wasn't disappointing. 

 

As someone recently diagnosed with a light form of autism and ADD, I've been worrying about who I am and why I felt so different from others for all of my life now. Trying to fit in, and adjust to others through various forms of therapy was a big mistake of mine. Best thing I ever did was telling the care providers to back off and start doing my own thing. Fighting the way my brain works didn't work, but making full use of it did.

 

...Now if I could only discover what I'm doing wrong and why my muscles won't grow despite the fact that I fanatically lift four times a week... The big guys at the gym that are guiding me have no clue whatsoever. They guess my body is just not predisposed.



#9 John250

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Posted 16 February 2019 - 12:03 AM

John250, I didn't realize the bodybuilding world worked like that. A body like that in your avatar is evidence of hard work, persistence, patience and dedication. You can't buy or steal it. I actually gave somebody with such a fit physique a job over someone who is better-experienced because of that. And I wasn't disappointing.

As someone recently diagnosed with a light form of autism and ADD, I've been worrying about who I am and why I felt so different from others for all of my life now. Trying to fit in, and adjust to others through various forms of therapy was a big mistake of mine. Best thing I ever did was telling the care providers to back off and start doing my own thing. Fighting the way my brain works didn't work, but making full use of it did.

...Now if I could only discover what I'm doing wrong and why my muscles won't grow despite the fact that I fanatically lift four times a week... The big guys at the gym that are guiding me have no clue whatsoever. They guess my body is just not predisposed.


I’m starting transcranial magnetic stimulation(TMS) next week. Maybe that will help

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#10 MichaelFocus22

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Posted 16 February 2019 - 06:16 AM

John250, I didn't realize the bodybuilding world worked like that. A body like that in your avatar is evidence of hard work, persistence, patience and dedication. You can't buy or steal it. I actually gave somebody with such a fit physique a job over someone who is better-experienced because of that. And I wasn't disappointing. 

 

As someone recently diagnosed with a light form of autism and ADD, I've been worrying about who I am and why I felt so different from others for all of my life now. Trying to fit in, and adjust to others through various forms of therapy was a big mistake of mine. Best thing I ever did was telling the care providers to back off and start doing my own thing. Fighting the way my brain works didn't work, but making full use of it did.

 

...Now if I could only discover what I'm doing wrong and why my muscles won't grow despite the fact that I fanatically lift four times a week... The big guys at the gym that are guiding me have no clue whatsoever. They guess my body is just not predisposed.

 

                          You need to eat alot of fucking food or nothing will happen. If your talking about your not improving than in simplest terms, it's simply because you will hit this thing called the ADHD wall where no matter how much effort you put in you won't get any better and you will get bored of it and move onto something else. This is why we people with ADHD are chronically generalists and never specialized because the deeper you work towards improving at any given field that you pursue you will eventually have to get more detailed and it will test your default executive functions, to where you need to implement those improvements. They are basically invisible mistakes and your brain won't properly integrate what you know but you must do it conciously. This is why, executive deficits effect all aspects of your life not just one. 



#11 John250

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Posted 16 February 2019 - 10:12 AM

John250, I didn't realize the bodybuilding world worked like that. A body like that in your avatar is evidence of hard work, persistence, patience and dedication. You can't buy or steal it. I actually gave somebody with such a fit physique a job over someone who is better-experienced because of that. And I wasn't disappointing.

As someone recently diagnosed with a light form of autism and ADD, I've been worrying about who I am and why I felt so different from others for all of my life now. Trying to fit in, and adjust to others through various forms of therapy was a big mistake of mine. Best thing I ever did was telling the care providers to back off and start doing my own thing. Fighting the way my brain works didn't work, but making full use of it did.

...Now if I could only discover what I'm doing wrong and why my muscles won't grow despite the fact that I fanatically lift four times a week... The big guys at the gym that are guiding me have no clue whatsoever. They guess my body is just not predisposed.


What’s your age?

Have you had your testosterone levels checked?

Are you naturally a skinnier guy by nature or can you easily put on body fat?

Any stomach issues? Crohn’s or Celiac?

#12 Clavius

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Posted 17 February 2019 - 04:52 PM

What’s your age?

Have you had your testosterone levels checked?

Are you naturally a skinnier guy by nature or can you easily put on body fat?

Any stomach issues? Crohn’s or Celiac?

 

I'm 40 years old. My doctor says my testosterone levels are within the appropriate range for my age. 900 ng/dl to be specific. I've been skinny during my youth and just normal as an adult. I can pretty much eat everything and anything without gaining weight. No stomach issues.



#13 John250

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Posted 17 February 2019 - 05:35 PM

I'm 40 years old. My doctor says my testosterone levels are within the appropriate range for my age. 900 ng/dl to be specific. I've been skinny during my youth and just normal as an adult. I can pretty much eat everything and anything without gaining weight. No stomach issues.


Ok that’s normal to have a hard time adding muscle as you are ectomorphic by nature. I’d suggest downloading an app like my fitness pal or something to track your calories and macros. Do it for 4-5 days and lmk your total calories and macros as I’m assuming you’re not eating enough to gain muscle because you have a very fast metabolism.
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#14 bosharpe

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Posted 17 February 2019 - 06:16 PM

Hey, yeah I wrestled with this in the past 2 years. A cataclysmic childhood through me into introversion and isolation. I was riddled with unhealthy tendencies but began putting the hours in developing myself - hours a day journaling, performing comedy in front of an audience, seeing an analyst. A thorough investigation!

 

Am I still introverted? Yes, but I see it more as a spectrum I fall somewhere along and have more of an understanding of when It's a genuine kind of introversion or something habitual. I've begun being more assertive and less going out my way to please people too often. 



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#15 jroseland

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Posted 25 February 2019 - 11:38 AM

I reviewed the book The Subtle Art of Not Giving a F*ck by Mark Manson has some real insight on this...

 

Identity and certainty often go hand in hand. He recommends not being too married to an identity as it closes you off to transformation and growth. Manson’s law of avoidance is…
 
The more something threatens your identity, the more you will avoid it. (p. 136)
 
I say don’t find yourself. I say never know who you are. Because that’s what keeps you striving and discovering. And it forces you to remain humble in your judgments and accepting of the differences in others. (p. 139)
 
Having a real strong identity run contrary to personal growth. When you become extremely certain you become closed to growth.
 

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